7 Things That Puzzle Me: On motivation, materialism, misandry, and more.

Even at my ripe-old age of 69, I’m still puzzled by a number of things: on motivation, materialism, misandry, and more. I describe them in my PsychologyToday.com article today.

Dealing with Disappointment: 7 tips embedded in a story

I’ve written previously on rebounding from disappointment, for example, Bouncing Back, and even a poem.  

But some people learn better when advice is embedded in a context. So I wrote this composite story as my PsychologyToday.com article today.

Choosing a College: Key tips embedded in a story

I have been disappointed by too many colleges’ marketing machinations. 

Yes, my PsychologyToday.com contribution today is a parody, but at some colleges, it’s too close to the truth.

Hugging: If and when

Hugging used to be reserved for romantic partners and close family members. But now, in some circles, the hug has replaced the handshake.
What are today’s rules: When to hug? How? What if you’re not a hugger? I address these questions in my PsychologyToday.com article today.

FAKE!: Much more than news is fake

Charles Hugh Smith is a widely followed observer of society. His blog, Of Two Minds, has had 20 million views.  I was particularly stimulated by his article yesterday: It's Not Just the News That's Fake--Everything's Fake.

My Psychology Today article today lists a few examples of his plus some of my own.

The Dieter: 7 tips embedded in a story

I’ve written previously on managing your weight, for example, Better than a Diet. But those articles were in standard form: an annotated list. 

Some people learn better when advice is embedded in a context, hence I offer a story as my PsychologyToday.com article today.

Simple Self-Employment: Tips provided in the context of a story

I’ve written previously on simple self-employment, for example, Low-Risk, High-Payoff Self-Employment. But those articles were in standard form: an annotated list. Some people learn better when advice is embedded in a context, hence my PsychologyToday.com article today offers a composite story.

Practical Wisdom: 11 crucial things that many people don't know

At age 69, with perhaps too much of it spent thinking about what’s important, and trying ideas out on clients, friends, and myself, my PsychologyToday.com article today offers 11 things I deeply believe are true, important, and little recognized.

Working at 70+ A dose of realism?

Advice abounds for job seekers over 50, most of it over-optimistic. Pollyanna would be proud.

But there’s little job-seeking advice for people 70 or older. I’ve had a few such clients, and my dad worked happily into his mid-80s and I hope to do the same.

My PsychologyToday.com article today embeds my thoughts in a composite story, with takeaways offered afterward.

Moving Up: All things considered

I’ve written previously on career tips for people who want to climb the career ladder, for example, Why Can't I Get Promoted? But those articles were in standard form: an annotated list. Some people learn better when advice is embedded in a context, hence as my PsychologyToday.com article today, I offer a composite story.

Starting Out: Career tips provided in the context of a story

I’ve written previously on career tips for people starting out, for example, this and this. But the articles have been in standard form: a bulleted list. 

Some people learn better when advice is embedded in a context, hence the composite story I offer in my PsychologyToday.com article today.

Dime a Dozen: Coming to Peace With Being Ordinary

At some point, many of us come to have to accept that we're more ordinary than special. My PsychologyToday.com article today may help people make peace with that.

Just Your Luck: Luck matters much more than we like to acknowledge.

Speaking to Harvard’s 2019 graduating seniors, dean Rakesh Khurana asserted that Harvard grads don't deserve their success. Rather, they are the benefits of privilege, of luck.

My reflexive reaction was to disagree. After all, I'm pretty successful despite coming from true poverty, living in a Bronx tenement, the child of Holocaust survivors who suffered the unimaginable and who spoke virtually no English, had no education, no money, no family, only the scars of the Holocaust tortures.

But on reflection, Khurana may be right. I make the case in my PsychologyToday.com article today.

Journaling for Personal Growth A powerful, deceptively simple tool for self-improvement

Journaling can be a powerful self-help tool. My PsychologyToday.com article today offers seven tips that can help maximize its utility.

Some counselors, especially those working at a college or a public agency may get to see a client only once, for lack of time or because the client no-shows after the first appointment.

Even if you do get multiple sessions with a client, it’s often wise to front-load the first session: that is, accomplish as much as possible to avoid a client concluding, “All I did was tell him about myself. I already knew all that. I don’t think that further sessions are worth the time (and perhaps money.)”

When a counselor knows or senses that it may be a one-shot opportunity, all's not lost. My PsychologyToday.com article today offers one approach to one-session career counseling. I’d imagine that some of this would be applicable to a wider range of counselors, therapists, and coaches.

Managing Your Money: 6 tips embedded in a story

I’ve written previously about money, for example, The World’s Shortest Course on Your Money.  Its format was standard: a series of tips. 

But some people prefer how-to advice in context, in a story, hence my PsychologyToday.com article today.

Refreshing a Stale Relationship: 4 tips embedded in a story.

Your relationship has gone stale. What to do? I tell a story and then present the embedded tips in my PsychologyToday.com article today

Finding Mr. or Ms. Right: 8 tips embedded in a story.

Is the third in a Psychology Today series on self-help tips provided within the context of a story, I offer eight tips on meeting Mr/Ms Right.

Learning to Manage Your Time: 9 tips embedded in a story

I’ve written previously on time management. The format was standard: a list of tips. But some people are helped more by a contextual example, a story, so my PsychologyToday.com article today offers a composite story of how someone with "poor time management skills" got better:

Learning to Manage Your Procrastination

I’ve written previously on procrastination. The format was standard: a list of tips. 

But some people are helped more by a contextual example, hence my PsychologyToday.com article today offers a composite story of a how a procrastinator got better.

Feedback Finding the courage to solicit, curate, and act on it without undue defensiveness.

Feedback is key to our growing. So if we care to improve ourselves, we must gird ourselves to endure the short-term pain of risking reaming for the long-term gain in professional and personal efficacy.

In my PsychologyToday.com article today, I describe how to find the courage to solicit, curate, and act on feedback without undue defensiveness.

 

12 Self-Improvement Books: Summer reading with a purpose

Are you up for some psychologically helpful summer reading?

My PsychologyToday.com article today describes 12 books that my clients and I have felt were helpful in self-improvement.

Your Doctoral Advisor: Key to making a PhD worth it

Your advisor is key to making the most of your PhD education. 

My PsychologyToday.com article today shows how to find a well-suited and excellent advisor and make the most of the relationship.

Toward a Wiser College or Graduate Application Essay

In writing an college or graduate school application essay (or job application), there’s such temptation to write whatever will “work.” that is “get you in” to a more selective college than would otherwise admit you.

In my PsychologyToday.com article today, I describe how to write an effective and ethical essay, with implications also for job application letters. 

The Case for Dropping Out of High School: An underconsidered option for bright, self-starter teens.

In my PsychologyToday.com article today, I make the case that more students should consider the seemingly absurd option of dropping out of high school.

The Case for the Low-Risk Life

The media cherry-picks risk takers who won: the actor who made it big, the athlete who defied the odds, the kid from the gritty streets who’s now a millionaire.
Alas, for every one of those, there are millions wondering why "Follow your passion!" didn't work. Instead, they struggle to pay the rent even on a gritty street.
In a small attempt at offering balance, my PsychologyToday.com article today makes the case for the low-risk life.

Peer Mentoring: A potent tool for self-improvement and building friendship

Whether it’s for yourself, your child, or anyone else you care about, peer mentoring is among the more potent (and free) ways to improve a life.

In peer mentoring, two to eight people meet regularly in-person or virtually (phone/teleconference, Skype, Facetime, or Zoom) to listen, ask questions, and offer advice. Usually, the focus is a problem a person is facing but sometimes, especially after a relationship among the members has been developed, it might simply be to report on something good, bad, or just interesting that’s happened or is upcoming.

I have initiated and been a participant in a peer mentoring pair and a group of eight for years. My PsychologyToday.com article today summarizes what I’ve learned.

The Seven Deadly Sins...Not So Deadly

Perhaps especially today, too many people tend to be reflexive rather than reflective. In psychologist Daniel Kahnemann’s terms, they succumb to Level 1 thinking when Level 2 would be wiser.

My PsychologyToday.com article today attempts to show that even seemingly clearly bad human characteristics, the so-called 7 Deadly Sins, have a defensible other side. The hope is that it might inspire readers to look between the poles for nuance, for that’s often where wisdom lies, whether it’s in what to believe, whom to consort with, or whom to vote for in 2020.

Takeaways from a Career Counseling Class

I’m teaching a graduate course in career counseling. Some students told me that last night’s class was the most valuable yet. So I thought that, as my PsychologyToday.com article today, I’d describe some of its major takeaways.

Most are applicable not just to career counselors but to all counselors, therapists, and coaches. Most of them derive from a mock first career counseling session that I conducted with a student in the class.

Driving Calmly....Yet Expeditiously

Traffic ever worsens, and mass transit often takes far longer and is less pleasant. After a long day, instead of the sanctuary of a car, you may be sardined in a high-decibel train or bus accompanied by sweaty co-riders' inescapable body odor.

But too many people deprive themselves of the respite of said sanctuary. Instead, they get stressed out by the traffic and by rude or oblivious drivers.

Nothing I say can bring back the days of pleasant, short commutes but perhaps the tips I offer in my PsychologyToday.com article today can cut your driving stress while not requiring such zen that you can sit blissfully in the slow lane, not caring that your commute is eating even more into your family and personal life.