The Art of Writing Quickly: Specifics, from idea-generation through polishing

A client wants to write a series of articles and he asked me how I do it. Perhaps you’ll find it of value to see what I told him. That's my Psychology Today article today.

Cleaning Out Your Home: Maybe a good idea but beware the psychological toll

I’ve lived in my home for 43 years and have never done a complete clean-out of all the stuff I’ll probably never use again. But one of the COVID lockdown’s silver linings is that I’ve now done it, as I did with my mom’s home after she died. 

Here are the psychological issues that came up for me. Perhaps you’ll find them of value, maybe even get motivated to do that clean-out that’s so easy to procrastinate. As I mentioned, I may have broken the world’s record for the longest procrastination: 43 years.

When to Ask and How: At work and in relationships

I’ve often encouraged my clients to ask for what they want, and I've cited this anecdote: An orientation leader at Harvard told the incoming freshmen, “Key to success at Harvard is to ask for what you want, and when they say no, ask someone else.”

That advice is often valid, but your chances of an ask working increase if a little nuance is added: My Psychology Today article today suggests when, in the workplace and in a relationship, the risk/reward ration favors asking, and when it doesn’t. Then I offer a polite and a more assertive approach to making your ask.

Dealing with Your Partner’s Differences From You: Warmth, materialism, diligence, neatness, and judgmentalness

Even when a couple is well-matched, differences usually remain. My Psychology Today article today describes five common differences and sample wording for how you might address each or at least start a conversation about it.

Stamp Collecting: An underconsidered hobby in the time of COVID?

My Psychology Today article today makes the case for stamp collecting, an oft-forgotten hobby be especially worthy of consideration in the time of COVID.

The Ear Worm: A mood stabilizer without side effects

An ear worm is a melody that stays stuck in your head. My Psychology Today article today argues that it's usually wise to savor rather than banish it. I explain why and offer 18 beloved loved melodies that are ripe ear worm material.

The Art of Accomplishment: What it really takes

Not everyone cares to become highly accomplished. My Psychology Today article today is  for those willing to make the commitment. It reflects what has most often worked among my highly successful clients and what I've learned from reading a number of biographies of the highly accomplished.

The "Uniforms" We Wear: Are you happy with yours

Before a person even says a word, we tend to judge him or her. Yes, we infer personality and perhaps intelligence merely on a person’s face and body, but also on hair, clothes, and body adornments. And you don’t get a second chance to make a first impression.

Perhaps you’re already pleased with your costumes—professional and personal—but maybe my Psychology Today article today will motivate you to make a change or to confirm that you’re happy with the status quo.

Getting Intimate 8 questions to ask . . . and answer

Whether virtual or in-person, romantic or platonic, a new relationship or an existing one, many people crave more intimacy. My Psychology Today article today offers eight questions, asked when it feels right, that can deepen a relationship, sometimes quickly. Ask those questions of yourself and you might improve your self-knowledge and even generate action steps you want to take.

Making Learning Pods (Microschools) Work

 During the pandemic, many parents are teaching a few kids in and around their home. These are often called learning pods or microschools, Such parents may be doing it to supplement or to replace what schools are providing kids amid COVID. My Psychology Today article today offers tips on making learning pods work

“My Life Has Been Meaningless”

 A man said, “My life has been meaningless.” You might be surprised to know that he was a researcher who helped confirm schizophrenia's genetic roots. That has been one of psychology's major findings of the past 50 years.

I’ve had a number of clients, externally successful, who feel similarly. Yet many less successful people feel good about how they’re spending their life.  What might explain that? And how might such a person find some meaning? My Psychology Today article today tackles that.

When Speaking with a Dying Person

I have a long-time friend who now is very old, homebound, and spends most of his time in bed. He probably has just a few months to live.

Yet, except for the times he’s in bad pain, he manages to be upbeat. He still derives pleasure from our conversations, sometimes passionate, about politics, redistribution, and whether Popeye’s or KFC biscuits are better.

I’ve spoken with him every few days for a year now, as I did with my mom during her last year, and thought it might be helpful to share what I’ve learned about interacting with a dying person. I do so in my Psychology Today article today.

Savoring What You Can Control

Amid the pandemic and its economic fallout, it’s easy to feel out of control.  And our happiness is affected by how much control we have.

Fortunately, we have more control than we may realize. My Psychology Today article today offers example, which, in turn, could help you attain a bit more happiness, even in these trying times.

Can You Love a Dog Too Much? Perhaps not

Critics assert that people who spend lots of time with their dog—hugging, playing, talking to the dog, let alone who say they like dogs better than people, have a problem. My Psychology Today article today argues that many such people do not have a problem.

When You’re Told, “You Could Do Anything”

When looking for a career, your friends and even a counselor might say, “You could do anything.” They’re trying to be supportive if not a downright cheerleader, believing you’re so bright and motivated that you could pursue virtually any career.

But often, that’s not helpful because it doesn’t narrow your choices. Or you may have doubts as to whether you can do anything or even one thing very well.

The questions I ask in my Psychology Today article today may help you narrow to a wise choice of career:

Laziness: Its genesis, development, and amelioration

In my Psychology Today article today, I describe a pattern I commonly see among my clients. How they became lazy and what they've done to improve.

Address-and-Distract: An underappreciated tool for coping

COVID and the political and racial roiling can make an already stressed modern life cross the line into overwhelm.

For example, even if COVID hasn’t touched you, the fear fanned by the media and your seeing everyone in masks racing away from you if within 10 feet contributes to the discombobulation.

A perhaps under-discussed antidote to stress and overwhelm is something my clients and, okay, I, have found helpful: address and distract. I describe it in my Psychology Today article today.

Surviving and Maybe Thriving as a Contrarian

Some people grew up in a family that valued conformity. Other families venerated rebellion or at least making the case for a contrarian position: “Well, on the one hand X, but on the other hand, Y.”

Similarly, in some schools and colleges, students are pretty much expected to be conformist, to spout the orthodoxy. Perhaps you recall being tempted to make comments and write essays that comport with the teacher’s or professor’s bias. The tendency to reward conformity extends into adulthood: often in the workplace as well as in relationships.

It’s easier to go through life as a conformist. By definition, more people will agree with you. That both feels good and makes you more likely to make friends and to get ahead in your career.

But what if you tend to be contrarian? It is for those who are leading that more difficult life that my Psychology Today article today offers thoughts.

Four Career Musts in the COVID Era

 I’ll be giving a virtual talk to Berkeley Rotary today entitled Four Career Musts in the COVID Era. Perhaps you might benefit from a summary of what I’m planning to say, so I posted on as my Psychology Today article today.

Final Wishes: Clarifying and sharing your intentions

Few people like thinking of their demise, but getting clear on your final intentions and letting the right person(s) know about them can be a last great accomplishment and contribute to your legacy.

Of course, you know that you need a will or trust. My Psychology Today article today lists issues that are less often considered or conveyed to the loved one(s) who will help ensure that your final desires are fulfilled.

Life Lessons from Looking Back

We’re more likely to improve our life by looking forward, and taking the next baby step.

But an occasional look back may provide lessons for moving forward. Perhaps the prompts I offer in my Psychology Today article today will help.

Avoiding Education Armageddon Two ideas to propose to an educator

With many public schools providing only the dubious "remote learning" option, there may never be a better time to propose some bold ideas. 

My Psychology Today article today offers two: one that's only necessary in the COVID era, another which might merit continuing long after.

Getting Respected: The HUVA technique can help

Many people wish they got more respect. One tactic that can help is HUVA, developed by Dr. Mark Goulston.  I describe it in my Psychology Today article today.

Resilience in the Time of COVID: Ideas for bouncing back from coronavirus economic and medical fears

If there’s ever been a test of resilience, it’s in the COVID era. There’s the disease, the toll on jobs, and the restriction on living life as we knew it.

My Psychology Today article today offers composite letters from two people who are eager to rebound from a COVID-related situation and my response.

Work in 2021-2025: An optimistic and pessimistic COVID scenario and their career implications

There’s increasing evidence that quelling the COVID pandemic will require a high degree of compliance from a high percentage of the population. It’s possible but far from a certainty that this will occur and, importantly, that it will be sustained until the population acquires sufficient herd immunity and/or a good-enough vaccine is developed.

I’ve offered my career counseling clients the career implications of both an optimistic and a pessimistic COVID scenario and I’ve decided to share them with you here.

Telling Your Life Story

Whether you’re 20, 90, or anywhere in between, it can be fun and instructive to write your life story, even if only briefly and only to yourself.

But many people have difficulty getting started, or they get stuck.

Perhaps one of the prompts I offer in my Psychology Today article today will make it easier. The first has you chronologically replaying your life. The second helps you describe the life you wish you had.

The Simple Business Plan

Amid the COVID economic shutdown, many people have lost their job and are pessimistic they can land another. So they're starting businesses. Often they can avoid the 100-page business plans often recommended in business schools. I describe such a mini-business plan with an example in my Psychology Today article today.

Mother Teresa's "Anyway" Poem: Its embedded life lessons plus my yes-ands, yes-buts, and questions for you

Memory is a useful filter. That which is important is most likely to remain top-of-mind.

Well, as I think about writings from which I've most benefited, Mother Teresa’s Anyway poem jumps to mind. 

My Psychology Today article today presents that poem plus my added commentary: yes-ands, yes-buts, and for each, a question for you.