Do It Now: The commencement address I’d give today

Uncertainty has always reigned. COVID is merely the latest example. Who would have expected the Black Plague? The Holocaust? And what’s next: bioterrorism, cyberterrorism? 

Hey, today, yes, June 1, 2021, your graduation day—and this is really true—an asteroid that could be as big as the Eiffel Tower is, as I speak, zooming past, hopefully past, the earth. And that’s just today's threat du jour.

Of course, there’s benefit to planning, even long-term planning, but the fragility of life, with tomorrow promised to no one, invites us to perhaps do it now. My Psychology Today article today offers some ideas that you might want to do now, even if you're not a new graduate.

Attaining Mastery: How to gain "a feel for it"

The difference between competent and excellent is feel: a feel for when and how to say what, when and how to touch your romantic partner, when and how to play the next note, how firmly to press the scalpel.  My Psychology Today article today describes how to gain feel: at the essence of mastery.

Eating a Cinnamon Roll: Bite-by-bite thoughts on diet, decision-making, rationalization and catastrophization

I’ve gotten into a bad habit these last two days. After finishing my daily hike, I end up too close to Johnny’s Donuts. In the past, I’ve usually resisted but the last two days, I got a cinnamon roll, a big one. I’m too scared to Google-search to see how many calories, carbs, and sugar that cost me.

My Psychology Today article today tells you the thoughts that, ahem, rolled through my brain as I was eating it.

Career Exploration for Teens

There are thousands of careers and many new ones will be available when your teens reach adulthood. My Psychology Today article today describes some that are likely to burgeon and that many people find rewarding. It also describes ways to learn about careers. 

Rude or Dangerous Drivers: When the bad driver is someone else . . . or you

It seems that ever more drivers are rude or dangerous. How do you stay calm? And what if you're the bad driver? I offer suggestions in my Psychology Today article today. 

Making Your Clients Feel Special

Think of when you’re a client, patient, or customer. Don’t you want to feel that the provider likes you, maybe even thinks of you as special? Might you even be more likely to follow their counsel?

Well, when you are the helping professional, salesperson, or fundraiser—there are myriad things you can do to make your client or customer feel special. My Psychology Today article today presents my toolkit..

5 Ethical Dilemmas In dating, convincing, responding, infidelity, and disease

In my Psychology Today article today, I make the best pro and con case I can for each of five ethical dilemmas. The hope is that it will help you decide what’s right for you, not just in these situations, but more broadly.

“Dream It and You Can Do It:” Seductive but often bad advice

“Dream it and you can do it” is an appealing notion. But  despite the myriad celebs who pitch such advice in media interviews, it too often turns out to be bad advice. Alas, our dreams so often exceed our abilities, drive, needed connections, or luck.

Rather than betting years and money on a long-shot, my clients have more often found contentment by pursuing a goal that, yes, is appealing, but that with effort, offers a good chance of success.

My Psychology Today article today offers composite examples of what my clients have done.

The “Trapped” Spouse: What to do when you choose to stay in a bad relationship

Some unhappy couples have tried everything from therapy to couples’ retreats to staring into each other’s eyes and concluded that improvement is unlikely.

Yet they choose to stay together because of the kids, financial dependency, emotional connection, fear of the divorce process or of being single, or to avoid friends' and family’s disappointment.

Much has been written about how to improve a relationship. My Psychology Today article today focuses on making the most of a relationship as it is. Might any of these help you?

Facing Failure: Lessons from my clients’ setbacks: back-to-school, relationship, and health

Everyone knows that successful people are more likely to rebound quickly from life’s inevitable setbacks. But everyone also knows that’s easier said than done.

Perhaps my Psychology Today article today, which describes composite examples of what my clients did might be instructive.

Jealous? Or is Someone Jealous of You?

My Psychology Today article today offers suggestions for when you're jealous of someone or someone is jealous of you? Hint: Sometimes, it's wise to increase the jealousy.

Reluctant to Go All-In? Suggestions

Are you reluctant to go all-in, whether regarding relationship, career, whatever? I explore the issue and offer suggestions in my Psychology Today article today.

Taking Time to Think: A gift worth giving yourself

Taking time to think can help you better solve your problems du jour, help you make smarter decisions about life's big issues, and is calming. But how can you find the time? I offer suggestions in my Psycholotgy Today article today. 

Using Catastrophizing to Advantage: The mitigate-then-compartmentalize tactic

Catastrophizing gets a bad rap: True, if we focus on the worst-case scenario, we’re more anxious, often without being able to do much about it.

But catastrophizing can also enable us prepare for that worst case or to reduce that fear by rehearsing it as kids do when, for example, playing with a toy fire truck.

We catastrophize not just about personal matters but societal ones. For example, after Donald Trump was elected, some people catastrophized that it would lead to America’s downfall. I had friends who planned to move to Canada to escape. Today, some people are catastrophizing Biden’s redistributive, leftward agenda, fearing it will turn America into a third-world nation.

How can we derive catastrophizing's benefits while limiting its liabilities? My Psychology Today article today suggests the mitigate-then-compartmentalize tactic

Career Counseling for Counselors; Self-assessment, growing, changing

The saying goes, “Physician, heal thyself."  Indeed, I've seen that be useful advice to counselors. Perhaps they’re so busy healing others that they neglect themselves.

As a small antidote, my Psychology Today article today offers thoughts on how counselors and other helping professionals might help themselves, in other words, counseling for counselors.

Earning More Money Ideas: Whether you're an employee or self-employed.

Especially in our COVID-stunted economy, you may be wondering how to make more money. That's true whether you're an employee or self-employed. My Psychology Today article today offers ideas that have helped my clients.

How-To-Do-Life Tips: 41 ideas on personal growth, relationships, work, and more

When I have a piece of how-to-do-life advice that doesn’t require a blog-length explanation, I post it on Twitter. Their concision may even make them more useful. My Psychology Today article today offers recent favorites.

An Acronym to Remember: Its letters stand for six pieces of potent advice on making the most of life

No one can keep in mind, let alone implement, all the good advice that's out there.

So as a thought experiment, I asked myself, “What have my clients found to be the most useful pieces of advice for making the most of life?" After listing them, I rearranged the first letter of each to make an acronym: HOME TV.  I explain it in my Psychology Today article today.

It’s Time: Thoughts and questions toward a better retirement

Many people reach the point when they know it’s time to retire. Of course, that evokes complicated feelings: anticipation, anxiety, excitement, fear. My Psychology Today article today offers thoughts and questions toward more excitement and less fear.

7 Alternatives to "Hi, how are you?" "Fine."

A Martian visiting Earth would have a hard time understanding why so many interactions begin with, “Hi, how are you?" "Fine. How are you?" "Fine.”

Yes, that's a social convention, a nicety designed to acknowledge the other person and give a moment to gather thoughts. But you might want an alternative or two to that old standard. I offer seven in my Psychology Today article today. 

Asking: Sample language for common requests at work, in relationships, and more

You ask and you get rejected.

You ask and you get no response.

You ask and they say “later.”

How you ask can improve your results.

My clients report that they’ve learned best when I teach by example and then ask them to say what principles were embedded. So, I do that for you in my Psychology Today article today.

The Power of Color: An easy, yet powerful tool for influence

There is an extensive research literature.on the psychology of color. My Psychology Today article today offers some findings.

5 Tips for Worriers

Many people would like to worry less. The tips I offer in my Psychology Today article today may help.

8 Emotional Benefits and 3 Liabilities of Having a Dog

 

Much has been written about whether to get, how to select, and how to train a dog. I’ve been guilty of adding to the clutter. Less has been written on the psychological effects of dog ownership. I describe them in my Psychology Today article today.

P.S. This is a picture of my sweet doggie, Hachi.  

Your Desk: Making the most of it for productivity and pleasure

My Psychology Today article today offers thoughts on making the most of your desk, and enjoying it. 

 

The Case for Moderation in Your Job Search

In a job search, going all out may be counterproductive. In my Psychology Today article today, I explain why and what a wiser job-search strategy looks like.

The One-Minute Struggle: A tool for making tasks easier and for preventing procrastination

The one-minute struggle is a tactic that my clients and I find helpful in time-management and reducing procrastination.

I've briefly written about it previously, but yesterday, a client asked me lots of questions about it. I offer my answers as well as a description of the one-minute struggle in my Psychology Today article today.

Burned Out in a Bureaucracy

A number of my clients feel burned out on their job. And it doesn't help that they're working at home because of COVID. My Psychology Today article today lists common complaints and my suggestions.