Unasked-for Advice: Getting it, giving it

 Conventional wisdom is, "Don't give advice unless it's asked for." But in the real world, we get and do give unasked-for advice. My Psychology Today article today offers thoughts on when and how to deal.

Life Lessons from Show-Tune Lyrics

Musical-theatre lyricists are forced to compress ideas into tight spaces, yet be powerful enough to stand out above the music and the plot. So, it’s not surprising that their lyrics often contain important, concise messages. My Psychology Today article today offers some. For each, I offer an amplification or a yes-but.

The Case Against Overachieving

We’re all told to strive: "You can do it!"

Under-considered is whether giving it your all is always worth it. My Psychology Today article today offers a composite example and invites you to consider whether you are or want to be an overcachiever.

Finding a Good Version on the Cheap

It’s exciting to think big. But if you’re short of money or are risk averse, you may want to choose a shoestring competitor. My Psychology Today article today offers examples.

8 Ways to Support Under-Served High-Achieving Kids: A particularly potent use of your time

Children of the well-off are likely to get significant support toward achieving their potential. Kids from the multigenerational poor may face challenges that make major improvement difficult. So it may be wise to focus on a middle-ground: high achievers from working-class or blue-collar backgrounds. But how? My Psychology Today article today offers eight ways you might be of value.

The 3 Pieces of Career Advice I'd Most Want to Give New Grads

A speaker's bureau has asked if I'd like to give talks to college seniors about careers. They asked me to submit the three most potent ideas I'd present. Perhaps you or someone you care about will find them of value. So I wrote them as my Psychology Today article today.

Break the Rule? Rules are sometimes wisely viewed as rules of thumb

It’s wise to follow the rules . . . usually.

But as readers of my work know, I’m more a fan of the gray than of black-and-white. So my Psychology Today article today offer some admittedly anomalous composite examples of my clients breaking the rule wisely and successfully.

Standing Out in a Crowded World

You’re single and want to stand out from the zillions of other single people without appearing desperate.

Or you’re in private practice, whether a psychotherapist, a yoga instructor, a financial advisor, whatever. The trouble is there are zillions of others doing that. How do you stand out without being cheesy?

Or you're an employee and would like to get promoted or at least keep your job.

My Psychology Today article today offers thoughts on how you might tastefully and ethically stand out.

How to Brainstorm Effectively

Brainstorming is often considered the first step toward developing a solution, whether at work or personally. But too often, it doesn’t lead to anything that was worth the time it took to brainstorm. Perhaps my Psychology Today article today will help.

Using the Right Words of Emotion

The three major emotions are “happy,” “sad,” and “angry."  But using a more nuanced word may help you get what you want. My Psychology Today article today helps you do that.

When You Feel Like a Mere Cog

My Psychology Today article today offers some ways that a person might find work meaningful even if s/he is a mere cog.

On Kissing: Thoughts and questions

A kiss can mean so much or so little. My Psychology Today article today offers thoughts and questions about kisses, platonic and romantic.

Thoughts and Questions Evoked by Attending a Memorial: How to live, how to die

As we get older, we go to more memorials, a reminder of our place on the conveyor belt and that we better do it while we can.

I attended a memorial today. It evoked some thoughts and questions that may be of value to you. That's my Psychology Today article today.

When You’re Underpaid: Questions to ask yourself

A client today appropriately complained of being underpaid. My Psychology Today article today includes the key exchange we had about it.

Beware the Power-Point and Brownie-Point Ploys

Some people use ploys to gain power over their partners. Psychology Today has published many articles on one such ploy: gaslighting: in which one partner manipulates the other into questioning their sanity.

My Psychology Today article today alerts you to two other such ploys: the power-point ploy and the brownie-point ploy.

Before Retiring: Advice before you hang it up

My Psychology Today article today is for the person who has spent some time in an organization and decided it’s time to retire: for health reasons, fatigue of the accelerating BS, or the altruistic sense that it’s a younger person’s turn, someone who could probably do more good.

Making the Most of Counseling’s Final Session: Advice for client and counselor

The client says, “I think this will be our last session for a while.” (S/he appended “a while” to soften the blow.)

Or the client doesn't state it overtly but by implication, for example, “Now, as I’ll be sallying forth without training wheels, thank you for helping me accept myself.”

My Psychology Today article today offers thoughts on making the most of the final session.

How to Address Challenges in Counseling's Middle Sessions: Advice for counselors and clients

The first counseling session is often easy for both counselor and client. It’s all new, challenges haven’t had time to emerge, and hope prevails. The final session may also be easy. Sure, it may be hard to say goodbye, but final sessions are normally devoted to summarizing past takeaways, with no new painful efforts to unearth the hidden within. But middle sessions, perhaps sessions 3 through 6, can pose particular challenges. My Psychology Today article today addresses them.

 

The Case for Being a GoodAss

Today, a number of books and gurus urge being a BadAss: aggressive, tough, even intimidating. But my Psychology Today article today makes the case for being a GoodAss.

Productive Escapism

Do you feel trapped? Perhaps in your thinking? In your life? Do you worry about something you can do nothing about?  Or could you merely use a brief flight from mundanity?

Even the most practical, achievement-oriented person can benefit from brief escapes. They can not only rejuvenate but inspire to less conventional approaches to tasks, even enhance overall achievement. At minimum, such forays can expand us from the quotidian. The mind lives better when it makes room for more than our daily routine.

My Psychology Today article today offers a number of escapist opportunities.

What Your Home Says About You

Our home conveys messages about who we are. It also contains clues that can help us better understand ourselves. My Psychology Today article today asks questions that can help you decide what your home is signaling.

How to Find a Career Niche

If you’re an expert at something, you’ll feel better about yourself, make a more significant contribution, and perhaps make more money. But in what vocation should you become an expert? My Psychology Today article today offers an approach.

Developing an Easy Smile

We tend to like people with an easy smile. That comes naturally to some people, but my Psychology Today article today might help you acquire one.

Curbing Gluttony

Gluttony is understandable. Even though it’s unhealthy and hurts appearance, it’s a pleasure that's available to all and on-demand.

Yet few gluttons feel good about their habit. The problem is that curbing it is simple but not easy. My Psychology Today article today offers tips.

Performing as a Tool for Personal Growth

You’re shy or bombastic, too laid-back or too fast paced.

Of course, it’s very difficult to change your core personality, but if you’d like to try tweaking it or adding a persona to your toolkit, one approach is to perform. Why? When we perform, the stakes feel high so we tend to get unusually engaged, as when we focus more when taking a test compared with when just studying the material.

My Psychology Today article today suggests how you might use performing as a tool for personal growth.

Do It While You Can: 17 ideas for encore activities

It has oft been said that tomorrow is promised to no one. Here is a corollary: Do it while you can. My Psychology Today article today offers 17 composite examples you might consider. Or better, use them to evoke your own ideas.

How Good a Communicator at You: a 14-question self-assessment

Most people think of themselves as good communicators. After all, we can all talk. But how good are we actually? My Psychology Today article today offers a 14-question self-assessment.

Amplifying Your Idea: Making the most of what you’ve come up with

You’ve probably come up with at least one idea that you wish had more impact. Perhaps one or more of the suggestions I offer in my Psychology Today article today will help.

Talking with Your Child About School or College

Do you have a hands-folded child, ever quietly engaged in school except when shooting their hand up in response to the teacher’s question? Does your child eagerly do homework, including the extra credit?

Then my article today in Psychology Today isn’t for you. It’s for parents whose child is more likely to say, “This homework is stupid,” or “I hate school!”

If offer two sample dialogues. The first embeds common complaints about school. The second dialogue addresses a common issue faced by parents of a college-bound teen. I Intersperse undergirding principles.

Thoughts at My 71st Birthday: Advice to myself and perhaps others

Birthdays can be a time for reflection, especially as we get older. My Psychology Today article today offers my thoughts that might be of value to you, my readers.

Talking With Your Child About Death and Dying

What should you say to your child about death and dying? For 3 situations, my Psychology Today article today offers sample wordings and underlying thoughts and principles.