I've previously discussed that in the past decade, I've seen a great increase in the number of my female clients and friends who would like to not work and, instead, find a guy who'll support them.That anecdotal experience has been supported by the spate of recent books on how to find a rich husband, a seminal New York Times article and a more recent Reuters report that even large percentages of women physicians and Stanford MBAs are wanting to not work or to work minimally. Perhaps that is because they saw their first-wave-feminist mothers not find working outside the home to be as pleasurable as they thought it would be.
A recent CNN article explains that the desire to be a stay-at-home woman, extends not just to the women who claim their motivation is to spend more time with their kids, but even to the childless.
Guys, if you don't mind assuming all of the financial burden associated with a live-in woman and perhaps children, fine. Some men don't mind. But many others have unwittingly been manipulated into being beasts of burden by women who use the techniques summarized in the above-referenced books and articles.
Make sure you're making the huge decision to bear all the financial responsibility with fully open eyes.
I think you just described every woman in my family. Yes, the "find a guy and leach off him as long as possible" surge is alive and well.
ReplyDeleteI used to get angry about gold diggers...every time I talk about it, though, people seem to get angry. Beneath most relationships, I see women getting the advantage. Who pays for dates? Who is expected to be chivalrous? Who gets child support? Who gets alimony? Who can more acceptably stay at home?
ReplyDeleteThere is so much stigma attached to men's rights though, both on the left and the right. Many Conservatives want men and women to take typical gender roles...which allows for this "gold-digging." Many Liberals get angry any time you say women have too many rights in certain areas.
"When Catherine stays at home, I feel the house is more together because she has the time to do things like in-depth cleaning and can be more attentive to the garden." he says. -- from the CNN article
ReplyDeleteWhen did men start to care about "in-depth" cleaning? That's interesting.
I don't have a problem marrying a woman who wants to stay home. She can be her house-proud self in our small 1-bedroom apartment. She can cook, clean, sew, and water the spider plants sitting on the fire escape. Vacations? She can choose Lake George or Hershey Park.
It angers me to read about these gold diggers. I was raised to be a strong and independent woman. I have worked since 14 years of age and I never expected a man to support me.
ReplyDeleteWhat are these women thinking? Don't they care about how they are going to survive when they are old? Don't they think about putting money away in their 401(k) or in an IRA? Does it ever cross their mind that their hubby will dump them because they will become fed up with them staying at home and not sharing with the household expenses?
Is it more important to stay home and pretend to be doing what is the "hardest job" in the world (raising children). I am not saying that raising children is easy, but you can still work and raise your kids.
It amazes me to see some women who strategically bear children five years apart in age just to buy themselves more time. Very clever!
If these stay at home moms are soooo overworked, then how come I always see them during the day at the grocery store blocking the entire aisle while chatting up a storm with another friend who (not surprisingly) also has a baby in the shopping cart? Yeah, they seem to be having a party while their husbands are stressed out at work putting in long hours to give them this lifestyle.
The jig is up!
I think anyone getting into any long term relationship should ask themselves, "Would I be willing to financially support this person?" Either partner could come down with a health condition that could keep them from working. I support my husband due to health issues. The same health issues keep him from doing extensive household duties. But I'd do all the work for the rest of my life just to be with this wonderful man.
ReplyDeleteI think golddiggers are the small exception, not the norm. Let's not get our knickers in a twist about this.
I am also in favor of women working outside the home. The following is a response to something I posted on a message board. The 60 year old man who posted this is married.
ReplyDelete"I have to defend you on that one. You are EXACTLY what two generations of women wanted: the equal male. You are doing EXACTLY what women demanded, and being exactly the type of man that they raised. Problem is that women don't, and never wanted true equality. We just ran into a generation or two of angry, frustrated, dysfunctional women that ran amok seeking something that they never really thought through. They didn't stop at equal jobs for equal pay, they went for it all. They wanted it all. They not only re-designed society, but re-designed men (and basically destroyed the very man they really wanted).
I always said, at the time that men were being shouted down for defending the male role, that one day they would be shouted down for defending just the opposite. That day has come."
Well... I believe it always takes two to tango. As angry as we can get about gold-diggers, you also have to wonder about the idiots who marry them. It's like women who are asshole-magnets - at some level, it's their own damn fault.
ReplyDeleteReminds me of Spengler's Universal Law of Gender Parity: "the men and women of every place and every time deserve each other". Everyone is complicit in the culture we create. So it may feel real nice & convenient to blame the other gender for your griefs but really, it's as much your fault as it is theirs.