Tuesday, December 31, 2013
13 Career and Workplace Trends and Predictions for 2014 and Beyond. Part I
HERE, on USNews.com, is Part I of my 13 career and workplace trends and predictions for 2014 and beyond, including a rundown on how accurate my 2013 predictions were.
Monday, December 30, 2013
Can Planting A Garden Get You Unstuck?
Far from the standard career advice, I suggested he plant a garden. I felt he needed an inspiring win to get him moving again.
He was excited, but moreso than I realized. He emailed me today that he was up all night thinking about his garden.
If starting a garden intrigues you, here are some suggestions:
Plant in winter for a spring crop: Allstar gourmet lettuce mix, Estella Rijnveld tulips. (The latter won't work in climates that don't get frost in winter.)
Plant in early spring after last frost: Early Girl tomatoes (matures early,) Big Beef tomatoes (matures later,) Tendersnax carrots, Honey Select corn, Uproar Rose zinnia.
Plant in late spring/early summer for a late summer/fall crop: Packman broccoli, Super Sugar Snap Pea-6-feet tall, mildew resistant) or Snow Pea Norli (2 feet tall), Magellan Coral zinnia.
To create a good environment for growing, pick a sunny patch of soil. Unless the soil is very clayey or very sandy, just spread 2 to 3 inches of a good compost and a handful of general-purpose granular fertilizer over each square yard of soil and spade it in thoroughly. If your soil is very clayey or sandy, do the above but you might want to lay a raised bed over it. That's simply a box made, for example, of 2 x 8 to 2 x 12 untreated heart redwood or cedar with metal corners to connect the pieces. Those are available at any hardware or home improvement store. Fill that with 2/3 garden soil, 1/3 compost plus a scant handful of fertilizer per square yard.
Friday, December 27, 2013
I'll be on KQED's Forum today: The Present and Future of Jobs/Workplace
I'll be on KQED's Forum (88.5 FM in San Francisco, worldwide at KQED.org) today from 10:30 AM to 11 AM to discuss the most important changes in the job market in 2013 and likely changes in 2014.
Update: HERE is the link to the segment.
Update: HERE is the link to the segment.
Thursday, December 26, 2013
The U.S. Job Market is Improving? Bah, Humbug!
The government tries to convince us that the job market is improving by citing that the unemployment rate has declined.
That's grossly misleading. I prove so in my deeply pessimistic AOL.com article today.
To read it, click HERE.
That's grossly misleading. I prove so in my deeply pessimistic AOL.com article today.
To read it, click HERE.
Monday, December 23, 2013
The U.S. Workplace: NOT Bah, Humbug!
Since November 4, I've been devoting my U.S.News writings to a Bah, Humbug! series. Each week, I find something to criticize about employment in America.
But perhaps because Christmas is nigh, I've decided to, like Scrooge, find a little last-minute Christmas spirit. So my USNews.com contribution today is: The U.S.Workplace: Not Bah, Humbug!
But perhaps because Christmas is nigh, I've decided to, like Scrooge, find a little last-minute Christmas spirit. So my USNews.com contribution today is: The U.S.Workplace: Not Bah, Humbug!
Monday, December 16, 2013
Dealing with Holiday Stress in a Harsh World
When I asked readers what they'd like me to write about, Doug Skinner sent me the following email. (He has given me permission to reprint it.)
It seems you're asking about two separate things: how to handle holiday stress and how to deal with a harsh world. I'll try to address both:
Dealing with holiday stress
We'll feel stressed or sad if the upcoming holiday season is unlikely to live up to the stereotype, for example, a party with the happy extended family laughing and bonding. Here are four ways to address the situation:
The harsh world
True, the world seems to be getting harsher. People don't keep their promises. They don't return phone calls. Job applicants often don't even get the dignity of a rejection letter-- they must wait indefinitely hoping, in vain. Even family members may screw each other, especially for money. As my father said, "Respect but suspect."
But there are many good people plus many more who are good when treated well. Easier said than done but I believe it's worth working hard to be a good person. Also, maximize the amount of time you spend with good people and minimize time with lesser lights. Do those things and your stress will likely diminish and somehow the world won't seem so harsh.
I hope that helps, Doug.
What's on my mind, Marty, is handling stress from the holidays. I'd love to find a place of peace and joy in a world that's pretty harsh.Okay, Doug, here are my thoughts.
It seems you're asking about two separate things: how to handle holiday stress and how to deal with a harsh world. I'll try to address both:
Dealing with holiday stress
We'll feel stressed or sad if the upcoming holiday season is unlikely to live up to the stereotype, for example, a party with the happy extended family laughing and bonding. Here are four ways to address the situation:
- Create Christmas: Gather hand-picked relatives and friends or make new ones by taking out a Craiglist platonic ad or even people you like at work, in an avocation, or even at a bar. Invite them to a Christmas party at your place, the community room at your apartment complex, wherever. Invite a lost soul to spend New Year's Eve with you.
- Volunteer your butt off. A great way to deflect feeling sorry for yourself is to turn your attention to helping others.
- Forget the norm and enjoy the holidays in solitude. Music, TV, your favorite foods, a glass of wine, contemplation or writing, can make a Christmas that's more rewarding and less stressful than what many people experience.
- Resolve to make more friends or build family relations so next year's holidays will be better.
The harsh world
True, the world seems to be getting harsher. People don't keep their promises. They don't return phone calls. Job applicants often don't even get the dignity of a rejection letter-- they must wait indefinitely hoping, in vain. Even family members may screw each other, especially for money. As my father said, "Respect but suspect."
But there are many good people plus many more who are good when treated well. Easier said than done but I believe it's worth working hard to be a good person. Also, maximize the amount of time you spend with good people and minimize time with lesser lights. Do those things and your stress will likely diminish and somehow the world won't seem so harsh.
I hope that helps, Doug.
Should You Retire?: 10 Questions to Help You Decide.
My USNews.com contribution today: Should You Retire?: 10 Questions to Help You Decide.
Friday, December 13, 2013
Thursday, December 12, 2013
The Greatest Publicity Stunt of All Time?
This is the greatest publicity stunt I've ever seen! I believe WestJet will reap 1,000 times its cost in new business---and as far as I'm concerned, it's just fine. When
deciding among two similarly priced and scheduled flights, this would
make me choose WestJet.
What Would You Like to Occur at Your Memorial?
I just saw the play The Dining Room. In one scene, an older man told his son what he wants to occur at his memorial.
My mom is in hospice now. She has not said what she'd like and now isn't in good enough shape to tell me. That's unfortunate.
So I thought I'd write this blog post encouraging you to let your closest person(s) know what you'd like for your memorial get-together.
To encourage your thinking on this, I thought it might be helpful if I shared what I'd want:
I don't want a funeral home or even cemetery involved, nor a cleric. I've signed up for cryonics so my body will be frozen and taken to Alcor for storage in hopes of reviving me if at some point, medical science has advanced enough for that to be possible. Despite such recent discoveries that there may be a true way to dramatically reverse aging, I'm well aware that it's a very long shot but there was little to lose in signing up. It gives me a little peace of mind knowing there's at least some possibility I might come back.
I'd want a very simple memorial get-together. My wife or, if she's gone, whoever, would invite 10 or 20 people who knew me to come to their place or mine for a bite to eat and a glass of wine, and to share, honestly, how I've affected them, for better or worse. The truth. It wouldn't be a drawn-out affair. An hour or two, no more. End of story.
May it be 30 years from now.
So, do you want to make known your desires for your memorial? Feel free to post it as a comment on this blog post.
My mom is in hospice now. She has not said what she'd like and now isn't in good enough shape to tell me. That's unfortunate.
So I thought I'd write this blog post encouraging you to let your closest person(s) know what you'd like for your memorial get-together.
To encourage your thinking on this, I thought it might be helpful if I shared what I'd want:
I don't want a funeral home or even cemetery involved, nor a cleric. I've signed up for cryonics so my body will be frozen and taken to Alcor for storage in hopes of reviving me if at some point, medical science has advanced enough for that to be possible. Despite such recent discoveries that there may be a true way to dramatically reverse aging, I'm well aware that it's a very long shot but there was little to lose in signing up. It gives me a little peace of mind knowing there's at least some possibility I might come back.
I'd want a very simple memorial get-together. My wife or, if she's gone, whoever, would invite 10 or 20 people who knew me to come to their place or mine for a bite to eat and a glass of wine, and to share, honestly, how I've affected them, for better or worse. The truth. It wouldn't be a drawn-out affair. An hour or two, no more. End of story.
May it be 30 years from now.
So, do you want to make known your desires for your memorial? Feel free to post it as a comment on this blog post.
Tuesday, December 10, 2013
My Musical and Storytelling Holiday E-Card for You
Here's the holiday e-card I sent to my friends, clients, and colleagues. I thought you might enjoy it too.
Dear Friends, Clients, and Colleagues,
Dear Friends, Clients, and Colleagues,
I'm
grateful for another good year: I continue
to enjoy career coaching, writing weekly for USNews.com, hosting my NPR-San
Francisco radio show, my marriage to my dear Barbara, and my canine love-muffin, Einstein.
HERE is my friend, Jeffrie Givens, singing Silent
Night with me accompanying on the piano.
And HERE is the link to a video of me reading the children's story I just finished writing:
Venus and Iris: A Children’s
Story…But Not Really.
May you
have a rewarding holiday season.
Marty
Work-Life Balance is Overrated
Work/life balance is overrated. That's the contention of my USNews.com post today.
Some of the most contented, contributory and not-burned-out people I know have worked 60+ hours a week for a lifetime.
HERE is the link.
Saturday, December 7, 2013
Should You Stop Trying to Change Yourself?
Change is much harder than the change industry would have us believe. Many shrinks, how-to writers, and TV exhorters from Oprah to Suze Orman to Rick Warren make it sound easy: "Just do what I say."
It ain't that easy, at least for my clients and for me:
My cold-call reluctant clients rarely get comfortable cold-calling. My math-challenged clients rarely become good at math. My shy clients rarely become social.
I know I should eat broccoli not cheese, be laid-back not intense, cheerful not dour, but I can't make myself do any of them for very long. Nothing helps: reminders, accountability, looking at supposed childhood roots, nothing.
We are mainly a function of our genes and early environment. Defying those ain't easy. So might we all be wiser to accept ourselves basically as-is and simply find the work, relationships, and recreations that don't require us to make major changes?
You can tune-up a Prius all you like but it will never win a race against a Porsche. But a Prius, in its context, is most worthy in itself.
It ain't that easy, at least for my clients and for me:
My cold-call reluctant clients rarely get comfortable cold-calling. My math-challenged clients rarely become good at math. My shy clients rarely become social.
I know I should eat broccoli not cheese, be laid-back not intense, cheerful not dour, but I can't make myself do any of them for very long. Nothing helps: reminders, accountability, looking at supposed childhood roots, nothing.
We are mainly a function of our genes and early environment. Defying those ain't easy. So might we all be wiser to accept ourselves basically as-is and simply find the work, relationships, and recreations that don't require us to make major changes?
You can tune-up a Prius all you like but it will never win a race against a Porsche. But a Prius, in its context, is most worthy in itself.
Thursday, December 5, 2013
On Boredom
This morning, a couple of my clients rescheduled last-minute so I found myself with a rare not-busy few hours. Boredom set in instantly.
So I decided to pace the room and see what thoughts emerged. Here's what emanated. Perhaps you might find something of use:
So I decided to pace the room and see what thoughts emerged. Here's what emanated. Perhaps you might find something of use:
- It's amazing how important being needed and busy is, at least for some people.
- Relaxing and smelling the roses for more than a little time feels like a waste, not restorative, a waste. Life feels like it should, as much as possible, be about productivity, contribution.
- Busy people contemplating retirement, beware. It may be enticing to envision mornings lingering over a cup of coffee, reading the news, and organizing your living space, but that well may get old. Retirement tends to be like the roach motel: you can check in but you can't check out.
- Do I want to write another how-to book? No. I think people get more benefit per hour from reading article-length advice.
- Do I want to do more volunteer work? No. My seeing pro-bono clients, speaking for free to groups of unemployed people, and significant cash donations feel like enough.
- I worry that my charitable donations won't do enough good. I like funding unpopular causes that hold promise of making a huge difference, like education for the gifted and understanding the biological basis of intelligence. But my money is merely a drop of water into an ocean. Is there a better use of my money?
- Is there something new I want to do? No, I just want to do a good job at what I already do: career and personal coaching, writing my USNews.com column and this blog, my radio show, being a good husband, answering all my email, being kind where I can, direct when it's wiser. Yes, that's enough.
- The New York Times reported yesterday that hospitals kill 440,000 people a year. In a few years when all those millions of high-need, low-paying people join the health care rolls thanks to ObamaCare, including the 11 million illegals when they become legal through "comprehensive immigration reform," many more will die--not just from the hospitals being overwhelmed but from lack of access to doctors, MRI machines, operating rooms, etc. Ironic that not only am I subsidizing their health care, I have a greater chance of dying because masses of people came to the U.S. illegally.
- Despite being so disciplined about everything else, why I can I not stop overeating? I really should lose those 20 pounds, dammit.
Those are my musings during today's boring few hours. Care to share yours?
Monday, December 2, 2013
(Some) Employees: Bah, Humbug!
My last week's contribution to USNews.com was (Some) Employers, Bah Humbug! This week, it's (Some) Employees: Bah Humbug!
Friday, November 29, 2013
Dying Well
I just put my mom in hospice and felt moved to write this.
At some point, we start thinking more about dying. Perhaps
it’s when you get a serious diagnosis or your last parent dies leaving you next
on the conveyor belt. In my case, as a lifelong hypochondriac and
catastrophizer, I’ve been thinking about it since I was a child, a half-century
ago.
What might dying well look like?
I suppose it starts with living well. If we are aware of our
mortality and that time is our most valuable possession, we’re more conscious
how we spend each moment: Should we work more, less, or on something else? Spend
more or less time with certain people?
It’s probably time to make a will or, to avoid probate, a
trust. Even if you’re poor, to whom or what organization do you want to leave
your assets? Yes, you might want to leave it all to your family but it may be
worth asking yourself if a charity or another individual might make better use
of the money? Would leaving a substantial sum to a family member encourage
sloth or profligacy?
Your will/trust should include an advance medical directive.
For example, when you have an irreversible disease and are in bad pain,
do you want extraordinary measures to keep you alive, for example, when you no
longer can swallow, intubating you so you can be fed with a feeding tube? Or
would you prefer hospice, which provides comforting drugs and other palliatives
to make the end of life more peaceful?
Your will should also name a person to make medical and
financial decisions in case of your incapacity or death. Think hard about whom
you’d most trust. It may or may not be your closest relative.
It may feel good for you to include in your will a letter to your family and friends,
perhaps reminiscences, lessons learned, and suggestions for them.
Although we may know some people who are vigorous and sharp
well into old age, most people do decline. Part of
dying well is to forgive yourself when, for example, you forget
things you would have remembered when younger. Easier said than
done. No easier but also helpful is accepting that senescence is part of the
natural order of things.
As we get older, most of us become more set in our ways,
resistant to change. But is there something new you want to do? Many people
want to travel, but change can occur at home: a new hobby,
volunteer activity, job, business, or attitude. Changing the latter may be
tougher even than accepting aging.
Some people choose to tell others about their health
problems. Others keep them as private as possible. It may be an act of
generosity to not burden people with your worries unless they can help and you
want their help.
Then there’s the decision of when to fight the good fight
and when to accept that the chances of winning are too small. As the song, The
Gambler, says, “You gotta know when to hold ‘em, know when to fold ‘em.” For example, should you keep fighting for your
political beliefs? To rapproche with a relative? To stay alive?
We still don’t allow people to decide when to die. That
strikes me as a terribly unfair intrusion of government into one of our most personal
decisions. Fortunately, some physicians will give a terminally ill person a
final cocktail of tranquilizers and sleeping pills. And if you can't access such
a physician, a right-to-die group called the Final Exit Network makes available comfortable ways to go.
This article hasn't been fun to write but I hope it might
help you or someone you love to die well.
Monday, November 25, 2013
(Some) Employers: Bah, Humbug!
Of course, some employers are great, better than most employees.
But today's today's installment in my USNews.com Bah series focuses on the baddies: Employers. Bah Humbug!
But today's today's installment in my USNews.com Bah series focuses on the baddies: Employers. Bah Humbug!
Sunday, November 24, 2013
Four Approaches to the Life Well-Led
Here's an advance look at my next column for the Mensa publication, The Intelligencer.
Four Approaches to the Life Well-Led
Countless authors have opined
on how to live the life well-led but their approaches seem to distill to just
four: pursue happiness, serve God, serve society/the universe, and pursue
balance. Here are pros and cons of each:
Pursue happiness. Obviously, making choices based on what makes you happy leads to an
enjoyable life. And you can define happiness more contributorily than just
eating, having sex and watching comedies. Your definition of happiness might, for example, include the contentment that comes from being productive, whether
as accounts payable clerk, cancer researcher, a friend, or school
volunteer providing (badly needed) enrichment for Mensa-level kids.
A limitation of the
pursue-happiness approach to life is that you’re less likely to do worthy but
unpleasant tasks, for example, diving into icy waters to save a drowning person
or be a Mother Teresa who, to save lives, worked amid Calcutta’s sewage stench,
her ankles ever bitten by scorpions. Of course, there are more common examples. I know a
top hand surgeon who, because he’s been doing that for decades, would find it
more fun to play guitar gigs on evenings and weekends but recognizes he’ll
make a bigger difference spending that time seeing patients than playing
Grateful Dead songs.
Serve God. For many people, religion is the prime driver of people’s
lives. And it’s easy to understand why:
- Many people need rules or structure for their lives. Religion provides them.
- Many people need fear and reward to motivate them to follow rules. Religion provides them, for example, heaven and hell.
- Many people need support in life’s tough times: The belief in a loving God provides that.
- Following a deity’s rules magnifies the import of one’s actions.. It’s one thing to be kind for its own sake; it’s a bigger thing if you believe it’s part of a benevolent God’s plan.
A downside of religion is
that it’s too black-and-white: There’s only one way. For example, the Bible
says, “Thou shalt not steal,’ no exceptions--In many denominations, a poor person who steals a drug
from a corporation to save a spouse’s life is deemed destined to burn in
hell for eternity. Sure, individuals can perceive what they want in religion:
Some claim the Bible condemns homosexuality; others insist the Bible endorses
it. Some say the Koran encourages peaceful behavior, others that it demands jihad
against the infidels. But net, a God-centric approach to life suffers from a
narrow definition of acceptable behavior.
Another weakness of the
serve-God approach is that it urges passivity. For example, the New Testament
urges surrender to God, to trust God above reason: “Be not wise in your own
eyes. God shall supply all your need.” (Philippians 4:19;) “Trust in the Lord
with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding.” (Proverbs 3:1:
)“If you have faith like a grain of mustard seed, you will say to this
mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move, and nothing will be
impossible for you.” (Matthew 17:20)
Serve society/the universe. This is the utilitarian approach: Ongoing, you decide
which activity will most likely make the biggest difference. In the extremis,
you could rate each of your life’s hours on how contributory it was: from -100
(making progress toward developing a mutated smallpox virus so communicable,
deadly, and incurable that it would cause Armageddon) to +100: (working toward
being a Messiah that would inspire everyone in the world to use their greatest
powers to abet humankind as much possible.)
The serve-society approach
has value even if your sphere of influence is small. For example, a ditch
digger can decide whether, during a break, to have a cigarette or to teach a
novice how to dig a ditch more easily. In turn, that novice will not only dig
more efficiently but be equipped to teach others. The ditch digger has
also, without preaching, shown the novice the value of giving, which makes that
novice more likely to give to others. And those others, in turn, are more
likely to give to others in this generation and in generations to come. So even a
ditch digger’s impact can be significant enough to be worth the effort.
An even loftier variation on
the serve-society approach is to serve a universal/cosmic good. For example,
some people believe efforts to equate resources among people is a cosmic
justice. Others believe that furthering meritocracy is more just.
But whether serving society
or the universe, you can enhance your utility by focusing on what few others
can or will do. For example, I champion the intellectually gifted at a time
when government and non-profits focus on redistributing to “the least among
us.” That way, I feel I make a bigger difference than if I focused on popular
causes I believe in such as abortion rights, where my efforts would add a mere
grain of sand onto a beach.
A downside of the
serve-society/the universe approach to life is that it leads to a less
pleasurable existence. That approach gives no brownie points to fun. Sure,
adherents to the serve-society model may sometimes deviate from it and watch
that silly sitcom but when life is done, devoted serve-society people die
having experiencing less pleasure than do others.
And for some people, focusing
so much on doing good for others could lead to burnout and, ironically, to
doing less good than if they were moderate. However, based on the people I’ve
known, you’re unlikely to burn out even from a lifetime of long workweeks as
long as you’re working on something of value, are good at it, and have a
measure of control over your work tasks. I’ll be 64 in June, been working 60+
hours a week for my entire life, and feel as energized as ever.
Another downside of the
utilitarian approach is that an individual can do only so much. With seven
billion people on the planet, your likelihood of making a big difference is
small. Nevertheless, it strikes me that a life aimed at even minor
contribution is better than rationalizing that you should pursue a
pleasure-centric life because your potential for impact, in the largest scheme
of things, is modest.
Strive for balance.
Many people believe their best shot at the ideal life is to work moderately and play moderately, dividing your
time among serving yourself, God, and society. Or as many of our parents say,
“Moderation in all things.”
The downside of that is that
it assumes all those goals are of equal value. Can one say that a week on the
beach is as valuable as a week mentoring Mensa kids?
Now it’s your turn.
In light of the above (and
anything else,) do you want to write a word, sentence, and/or paragraph
summarizing how you plan to live the life well-led?
Friday, November 22, 2013
Proposal for a Sex Museum
I think a sex museum, if done well, would be a huge success. A few exist: in New York, Japan, Amsterdam, and Berlin but they're only fair to good. But even if they were excellent, there's certainly room for an outstanding one in a city like San Francisco.
I was part of the team that was planning such a museum in San Francisco but it died because academics dominated the programming committee and insisted on static, usually abstruse-historical exhibits. Only an academic could make sex sterile.
So I thought I'd share my vision for the museum here in hopes someone realizes its potential and makes it happen. If I weren't so busy, I'd do it. I am open to investing in it.
Today, government places so many restrictions and regulations on private projects, I believe it's best if government could be convinced to make it a public-private partnership, ideally with the government giving a $1 a year lease on perhaps 20,000 square feet of property located in the tourist area of a major tourist city such as San Francisco.
Of course, the government could refuse but I'd make the case that two of its major priorities--increasing tourism taxes and increasing acceptance of alternative sexual orientations--would be addressed by their partnering with the museum. I believe, but am not sure, there's precedence for such a partnership. There are a number of lavish yet poorly attended minority-focused museums and other attractions in the tourist area of San Francisco that would seem impossible to have been opened and run for years without significant government/taxpayer expenditure.
The San Francisco Sex Museum would consist of approximately 20 "experiences," each of which would be one to three minutes long. Many would be interactive. Examples:
The museum cafe would include supposed aphrodisiacs and all menu items would have erotic titles.
What do you think?
I was part of the team that was planning such a museum in San Francisco but it died because academics dominated the programming committee and insisted on static, usually abstruse-historical exhibits. Only an academic could make sex sterile.
So I thought I'd share my vision for the museum here in hopes someone realizes its potential and makes it happen. If I weren't so busy, I'd do it. I am open to investing in it.
Today, government places so many restrictions and regulations on private projects, I believe it's best if government could be convinced to make it a public-private partnership, ideally with the government giving a $1 a year lease on perhaps 20,000 square feet of property located in the tourist area of a major tourist city such as San Francisco.
Of course, the government could refuse but I'd make the case that two of its major priorities--increasing tourism taxes and increasing acceptance of alternative sexual orientations--would be addressed by their partnering with the museum. I believe, but am not sure, there's precedence for such a partnership. There are a number of lavish yet poorly attended minority-focused museums and other attractions in the tourist area of San Francisco that would seem impossible to have been opened and run for years without significant government/taxpayer expenditure.
The San Francisco Sex Museum would consist of approximately 20 "experiences," each of which would be one to three minutes long. Many would be interactive. Examples:
- A digital poll of sexual practices in which you vote on the spot: What you do? What you've done? What you'd like to do? What you approve and disapprove of?
- How much do you know about your partner? (a Newlywed-Game-type quiz for sexual partners.)
- What makes someone sexy? An interactive quiz and experience.
- An IMAX video experience: A crosscultural history of sexual laws and practices from antiquity to today, Asia to Africa to America.
The museum cafe would include supposed aphrodisiacs and all menu items would have erotic titles.
What do you think?
Tuesday, November 19, 2013
Knockout "Game:" A Dangerous Trend Among Minority Teens
The media's censoring of the politically incorrect is descending to ever lower lows.
Becoming epidemic is a game played by minority (mainly Black) teens called Knockout. How does it work? Simple: They stop whites and Asians at random and try to knock them out in one punch.
The national media has virtually ignored this most disturbing trend. Do you think the media would ignore it if white teens sought out random minorities to knock out? Would President Obama, Attorney General Holder, Al Sharpton and Jesse Jackson be silent?
No surprise, getting an article published in the major media required no less than the eminent conservative (the horrors!) Stanford/Hoover syndicated Black columnist Thomas Sowell. It is his column today. HERE is the link. And HERE is a link to an article with videos in the New York Daily News. HERE is a link to a book, "White Girl Bleed a Lot," which documents 500+ such attacks, with links to YouTube videos of them.
Some media have actually denied the game exists. I happened to speak with a dean at a high school in a diverse public school in New York City and asked her if she was in a position to assess how real and how significant a problem the Knockout Game is. She said that the Knockout Game is merely one variation of Black "games" to hurt Whites and Asians. She cited, for example, "Bangkok Tuesdays, "where Blacks attempt to kick Asians in their genitals.
This is not an isolated example of such media censorship and bias. When three white Duke University lacrosse players were accused of raping a black woman, it received massive media coverage, mostly convicting the players before they were tried--and found not guilty. Yet when the same woman was convicted of murder, the media was essentially silent. THIS article documents that.
I don't know what the solution is but censorship certainly doesn't help any more than it would have helped to censor excoriation of the Ku Klux Klan. To motivate a serious effort to solve a problem, we must first get the broad public to realize there is one.
The End of Jobs: What Happens Next?
Here's how the job diminution might play out. I call it the post-jobs economy.
1. Ever fewer jobs require people, least of all, expensive-to-hire Americans. On top of wages that are higher than in most countries, there's Obamacare, family leave (paid leave in CA and NJ,) worker's comp, Social Security, Medicare, disability, sick days, vacation days, and legal claims.
The jobs that remain in the U.S. will increasingly be low-pay crap jobs or high-pay intellectually difficult ones.
Technologies like supermarket and big-box-store self-checkout and robotelemarketers and collections agents have already put millions out of work. Next, self-driving vehicles will put more millions of truck, train, bus, and taxi drivers out of work. Fast-food workers who wrested higher salaries will find their victories to be Pyrrhic as companies find it cheaper and more reliable to use robotic servers and preparers as is already occurring in some fast-food restaurants in Japan and Europe. Now, IBM is developing a virtual clothing salesperson who will "listen" to you and your measurements and make recommendations, likely far more on-target than the $10-an-hour salesperson at the boutique or department store.The cover story of the current Economist predicts that biopsies will be done by computer rather than lab techs, wars fought by robots not soldiers, Big Data analyzed by computer not data miners, basic sports stories written by computer, title searches conducted by computer, insurance underwriting done by computer, and that mainly careers such as firefighter, clergy, and fitness trainer will be immune, although with the development of ever more potent fitness apps, I'm not so sure.
According to MIT jobs guru Andrew McAfee, even some work done by doctors, lawyers, and accountants will be done by computerized expert systems.
I predict that most teacher jobs will go away. The most transformational instructors will teach online, which will improve instruction nationwide, with paraprofessionals onsite to provide the human touch.
Ben Way, author of the new book, Jobocalypse, claims that 70 percent of all jobs will be gone within 30 years, including teachers, bartenders, nurses, even babysitters.
U.S. wages will thus, within 30 years, be near the world average of $18,000 a year.
2. The growing number of poor people will result in our electing politicians who will "soak the rich" more and use the money to transfer dollars to the poor and to pay for single-payer health care. That will forestall major increases in crime and rioting.
Despite the redistribution, people will learn to live on much less--like 100 square feet per person. Many people will be forced to give up their car in favor of mass transit. Recreation will descend from $100 football tickets and 8-day/7-night fly-away vacations to at-home TV watching and staycations. Wal-Mart and thrift stores will be go-to stores for all but the 1%ers.
Even though the last thing the U.S. needs is a workforce with less motivation and impaired memory, pot will be legalized nationwide. After all, a dispirited populus needs something to dull their pain and fears.
3. Already, the top 5 percent pay 59% of the income tax. "Soak the rich" yet more and many businesses will go out of business or move to a low-tax country. That would be the tipping point--- a big increase in crime, rioting, and substance abuse.
4. In desperation, the heretofore rather anti-business public schools and colleges will feel forced to train more entrepreneurs so more sustainable jobs can be created. But it won't be easy to turn people who aren't, by nature, entrepreneurial to become good enough business owners, especially in a world with more entrepreneurs and fewer people with discretionary income.
5. Because fewer people will be able to afford to buy non-essential items, an ever larger percentage of purchasing will be done by the government---It can raise taxes to pay for what it wants to buy. So government will continue to grow in its share of GDP. But at some point, the public will demand a much smaller government, which will put more money back in individuals' and businesses' pockets. That will start a new cycle of development of new products and services and of more hiring, albeit never as much as in the pre-information/pre-industrial age.
At some point, I'm guessing within a decade, all but highly capable and driven Americans will have to live very simply, perhaps even akin to the way most people lived centuries ago. Who knows? Maybe they'll be happier for it.
A wild card is Armageddon. Technological advances make it ever more likely that even a sole actor could wreak Armageddon. For example, a crazed science professor could create a mutated smallpox virus and release it in a shuttle bus headed to an international airport.
Perhaps this scenario is unduly negative. After all, for millennia, humankind has prevailed with quality of life generally improving. Let's hope it continues.
Dear reader: your thoughts?
1. Ever fewer jobs require people, least of all, expensive-to-hire Americans. On top of wages that are higher than in most countries, there's Obamacare, family leave (paid leave in CA and NJ,) worker's comp, Social Security, Medicare, disability, sick days, vacation days, and legal claims.
The jobs that remain in the U.S. will increasingly be low-pay crap jobs or high-pay intellectually difficult ones.
Technologies like supermarket and big-box-store self-checkout and robotelemarketers and collections agents have already put millions out of work. Next, self-driving vehicles will put more millions of truck, train, bus, and taxi drivers out of work. Fast-food workers who wrested higher salaries will find their victories to be Pyrrhic as companies find it cheaper and more reliable to use robotic servers and preparers as is already occurring in some fast-food restaurants in Japan and Europe. Now, IBM is developing a virtual clothing salesperson who will "listen" to you and your measurements and make recommendations, likely far more on-target than the $10-an-hour salesperson at the boutique or department store.The cover story of the current Economist predicts that biopsies will be done by computer rather than lab techs, wars fought by robots not soldiers, Big Data analyzed by computer not data miners, basic sports stories written by computer, title searches conducted by computer, insurance underwriting done by computer, and that mainly careers such as firefighter, clergy, and fitness trainer will be immune, although with the development of ever more potent fitness apps, I'm not so sure.
According to MIT jobs guru Andrew McAfee, even some work done by doctors, lawyers, and accountants will be done by computerized expert systems.
I predict that most teacher jobs will go away. The most transformational instructors will teach online, which will improve instruction nationwide, with paraprofessionals onsite to provide the human touch.
Ben Way, author of the new book, Jobocalypse, claims that 70 percent of all jobs will be gone within 30 years, including teachers, bartenders, nurses, even babysitters.
U.S. wages will thus, within 30 years, be near the world average of $18,000 a year.
2. The growing number of poor people will result in our electing politicians who will "soak the rich" more and use the money to transfer dollars to the poor and to pay for single-payer health care. That will forestall major increases in crime and rioting.
Despite the redistribution, people will learn to live on much less--like 100 square feet per person. Many people will be forced to give up their car in favor of mass transit. Recreation will descend from $100 football tickets and 8-day/7-night fly-away vacations to at-home TV watching and staycations. Wal-Mart and thrift stores will be go-to stores for all but the 1%ers.
Even though the last thing the U.S. needs is a workforce with less motivation and impaired memory, pot will be legalized nationwide. After all, a dispirited populus needs something to dull their pain and fears.
3. Already, the top 5 percent pay 59% of the income tax. "Soak the rich" yet more and many businesses will go out of business or move to a low-tax country. That would be the tipping point--- a big increase in crime, rioting, and substance abuse.
4. In desperation, the heretofore rather anti-business public schools and colleges will feel forced to train more entrepreneurs so more sustainable jobs can be created. But it won't be easy to turn people who aren't, by nature, entrepreneurial to become good enough business owners, especially in a world with more entrepreneurs and fewer people with discretionary income.
5. Because fewer people will be able to afford to buy non-essential items, an ever larger percentage of purchasing will be done by the government---It can raise taxes to pay for what it wants to buy. So government will continue to grow in its share of GDP. But at some point, the public will demand a much smaller government, which will put more money back in individuals' and businesses' pockets. That will start a new cycle of development of new products and services and of more hiring, albeit never as much as in the pre-information/pre-industrial age.
At some point, I'm guessing within a decade, all but highly capable and driven Americans will have to live very simply, perhaps even akin to the way most people lived centuries ago. Who knows? Maybe they'll be happier for it.
A wild card is Armageddon. Technological advances make it ever more likely that even a sole actor could wreak Armageddon. For example, a crazed science professor could create a mutated smallpox virus and release it in a shuttle bus headed to an international airport.
Perhaps this scenario is unduly negative. After all, for millennia, humankind has prevailed with quality of life generally improving. Let's hope it continues.
Dear reader: your thoughts?
Monday, November 18, 2013
Job Hunting: Bah, Humbug!
The hiring process is a showcase of humankind's weaknesses, with. both employers and job hunters guilty. That's the topic of today's installment in my USNews.com "Bah, Humbug" series: Job Hunting: Bah, Humbug! HERE is the link.
Degrees? Bah, Humbug!
At the risk of redundancy, how could I write a "Bah Humbug" series without including a column called, "Degrees? Bah, Humbug!" That's my USNews.com last week. HERE is the link.
Wednesday, November 13, 2013
PhDs: Should You Be a Researcher?
Science PhDs, near-PhDs, and postdocs frequently ask me, "Should I stay in research?" This self-assessment may help. Rate yourself on each of these:
1. Cognoscenti frequently praise your ability to design and lead implementation of important experiments ___ (0 to 10 points.)
2. You love doing research so much it would be very painful to give it up. ___ (0 to 10 points.)
3. Your area of research expertise is well-funded (for example, cancer, Alzheimer's, and autism yes, intelligence, botany, history of science, no) ___ (0 to 10 points.)
4. You have and are likely to develop strong connections with luminaries in your field. ___ (0 to 10 points.)
5. You have the patience necessary for research. Typically many, many carefully done experiments must be conducted over a number of years to make even a modest contribution to your field. ___ (0 to 10 points.)
6. You are quite willing to do your research for a company as well as for a university or research institute. ___ (0 to 10 points.)
7. If you're not able to land a researcher or professor position, you are willing to (or already have done) a few-year post-doc. ___ (0 to 10 points.)
8. Your reports on your research will be of excellent integrity even though there are ample opportunities to fudge results. ___ (0 to 10 points.)
9. Your PhD and, if applicable, your postdoc are from an institution renowned for research, especially in your field. ___ (0 to 10 points.)
10. You are happy to put in 60+ hours a week and, if you have a spouse or other long-term domestic partner, s/he truly accepts that. (0 to 10 points.)
11. You are an excellent communicator, able to persuasively present your research in written proposals and articles as well as in oral presentations. (0 to 10 points.)
UTTERLY UNVALIDATED SCORING KEY
95-110 You almost certainly should persevere in pursuing your career as a researcher
80-95 You probably should
60-80 Perhaps you should
40-60 You probably should try to identify other career options
< 40 You almost certainly should try to identify other career options.
1. Cognoscenti frequently praise your ability to design and lead implementation of important experiments ___ (0 to 10 points.)
2. You love doing research so much it would be very painful to give it up. ___ (0 to 10 points.)
3. Your area of research expertise is well-funded (for example, cancer, Alzheimer's, and autism yes, intelligence, botany, history of science, no) ___ (0 to 10 points.)
4. You have and are likely to develop strong connections with luminaries in your field. ___ (0 to 10 points.)
5. You have the patience necessary for research. Typically many, many carefully done experiments must be conducted over a number of years to make even a modest contribution to your field. ___ (0 to 10 points.)
6. You are quite willing to do your research for a company as well as for a university or research institute. ___ (0 to 10 points.)
7. If you're not able to land a researcher or professor position, you are willing to (or already have done) a few-year post-doc. ___ (0 to 10 points.)
8. Your reports on your research will be of excellent integrity even though there are ample opportunities to fudge results. ___ (0 to 10 points.)
9. Your PhD and, if applicable, your postdoc are from an institution renowned for research, especially in your field. ___ (0 to 10 points.)
10. You are happy to put in 60+ hours a week and, if you have a spouse or other long-term domestic partner, s/he truly accepts that. (0 to 10 points.)
11. You are an excellent communicator, able to persuasively present your research in written proposals and articles as well as in oral presentations. (0 to 10 points.)
UTTERLY UNVALIDATED SCORING KEY
95-110 You almost certainly should persevere in pursuing your career as a researcher
80-95 You probably should
60-80 Perhaps you should
40-60 You probably should try to identify other career options
< 40 You almost certainly should try to identify other career options.
Saturday, November 9, 2013
The Handout from My Society for Neuroscience workshop: Actively Managing Your Career and Life: What They Didn't Teach You in School.
Last week, I gave a 2 1/2 hour workshop at the Society for Neuroscience's national conference: Actively Managing Your Career
and Life: What They Didn’t Teach You in School.
It was attended by 450 people.
Even if your career has nothing to do with neuroscience, you may find my handout for that workshop useful.
Even if your career has nothing to do with neuroscience, you may find my handout for that workshop useful.
Actively Managing Your Career
and Life: What They Didn’t Teach You in School
SfN National
Conference, Nov. 11, 2013
Marty Nemko
I. Direction
A. Developing your personal mission statement:
1. What
is/are your best skill(s)/ability(ies) that you enjoy using? _______________________
2. What
is/are the goal(s) you’re most interested in achieving/abetting? Consider
prioritizing goals that aren’t already adequately addressed by others.
___________________________________________________________________________
3. What then
is your personal mission statement? For example, mine is: Write and speak to abet capable peoples' careers, improve education
for the intellectually gifted, and support efforts to increase understanding of
the biological basis of reasoning ability.
B. How many degrees of
pivot should you make regarding your:
1.
career: __ Nature
of pivot: ___________________________________
2.
research agenda: __ Nature of pivot:
___________________________________
3.
proposal writing: __ Nature of pivot: ___________________________________
4.
teaching: __ Nature of pivot:
___________________________________
5.
advising: __ Nature of pivot:
___________________________________
6.
service: __ Nature of pivot:
___________________________________
7.
professional devel: __ Nature of pivot: ___________________________________
8.
relationships: __ Nature of pivot:
___________________________________
9.
avocation(s): __ Nature of pivot:
___________________________________
Put a plus or minus sign next to any of the nine you’d like to allocate
more or less time to.
II .
Efficiency
A. Create a grid with the
days of the week at the top and each hour you’re awake down the left side. Then
write, hour-by-hour, how you spend a typical week. Anything you want to spend
more or less time on? __________________________________________________
B. Is there anything you
want to do more/less thoroughly? For example, are your literature reviews too
thorough or not thorough enough? ____________________________________
C.
You likely can do most tasks better
yourself but is the opportunity cost worth it? So, do you want to make more
effort to delegate: get grad students, interns, a personal assistant? If so, write
what you want to do: _____________________________________________
D. When tempted to procrastinate on a project:
1. Create a “thermometer” with all the
project’s milestones. If you’re not sure what those should be, ask an expert
for help.
2. Be vigilant to the moment of truth: when you’re deciding,
usually unconsciously, whether or not to work on that project.
2a. At that
moment, remind yourself of the key benefit of getting that task done. Then identify
your next one-second task on that
project.
3. Get
comfortable being uncomfortable but keep looking for an enjoyable way to tackle
a task.
III.
Communication
A. Especially if you’ve
been called long-winded, try the traffic-light
rule in both professional and personal contexts: 0-30 seconds of an
utterance=green, 30-60=yellow, 60+ red. Only rarely run a red light. You’ll
find it easier to be concise if you’re, ongoing, asking yourself, “Does my
listener need or want this information?”
B. It’s often wise to use a lecture not to disseminate information but to generate on-the-spot
interactivity. For example, in an SfN presentation on your research, instead of
just describing your research, have the audience read a 1-2 page summary of
your research that highlights your questions and concerns about it. Devote most
of the session to getting audience input on those.
C. Many lectures fail because of the tyranny of content: cramming lots of content into the talk—Audiences
usually remember little from such talks. Lectures are generally more successful
when a small amount of crucial content is presented perhaps with compelling examples,
followed by getting the audience to actively engage in the content, for
example, using Think-Pair-Share.
D. An easy way to generate active audience engagement is to ask a
question and then—to increase engagement-- wait five to ten seconds before
calling on someone.
IV. Grant
acquisition
A. Should you add a
prestigious collaborator to your proposal? If so, who? _____________.
B. Funders want to invest
in research that will produce a publication in a high-impact journal. To
maximize the chances of that and to clarify the experiments and analyses you’ll
need to write, draft the journal article before
creating your grant application.
C. Write clearly. Reading
proposals is low-priority for many reviewers. They may even have a glass of
wine while reading it. If compelling,
crystalline writing isn't a strength of yours, carefully choose someone to rewrite
your first draft.
D.
A proposal’s most
important section isn’t Approach,
it’s Aims. That section must
compellingly and concisely explain why your proposal deserves funding over
other excellent proposals. For example, this yielded an NIH grant:
Our studies promise to
significantly abet the field of human immunity to tuberculosis, as they will
markedly expand our knowledge of targets of human T cells in M. tuberculosis,
enable novel studies and discoveries not currently possible, and provide a
pathway to more efficacious TB vaccines.
E.
To avoid unnecessary rejection, explain
why you’re using any unconventional approaches.
F.
Get experts and non-experts in your
field to critique your proposal before submitting.
G. Early on, email your proposal’s abstract to a
program officer and call a day or two later with questions.
V. Managing up
A.
In planning how to ask a higher-up for something, consider whether s/he is
persuaded more by verbal or written pitches, short or
long presentations, facts or feelings. Point out any synergy with the
higher-up’s priorities.
B. In making your request, should you form a coalition, if only a
letter of support from an authority?
C. Do you need to apply pressure: make a demand or threat, or give
frequent reminders?
VI. Minimize
retrospection. Yes, learn
what you can from a past negative experience, but most successful people then
follow my father’s advice: Don’t look back; take the next step forward.
Friday, November 8, 2013
10 Commandments of TED for a powerful presentation
In my view, these 10 commandments for public speaking from TED are absolutely right-on.
- Thou Shalt Not Simply Trot Out thy Usual Shtick.
- Thou Shalt Dream a Great Dream, or Show Forth a Wondrous New Thing, Or Share Something Thou Hast Never Shared Before.
- Thou Shalt Reveal thy Curiosity and Thy Passion.
- Thou Shalt Tell a Story.
- Thou Shalt Freely Comment on the Utterances of Other Speakers for the Sake of Blessed Connection and Exquisite Controversy.
- Thou Shalt Not Flaunt thine Ego. Be Thou Vulnerable. Speak of thy Failure as well as thy Success.
- Thou Shalt Not Sell from the Stage: Neither thy Company, thy Goods, thy Writings, nor thy Desperate need for Funding; Lest Thou be Cast Aside into Outer Darkness.
- Thou Shalt Remember all the while: Laughter is Good.
- Thou Shalt Not Read thy Speech.
- Thou Shalt Not Steal the Time of Them that Follow Thee.
Paul Dunn and TED
Monday, November 4, 2013
Follow Your Passion? Bah Humbug!
If career counselors had a motto, it would be "Follow your passion." Alas, truth is, in choosing a career, if you do what you love, poverty usually follows.
That's because most people's passions are in just a few areas so 10 zillion people apply for each good job.
And because of that, most employers pay poorly for most such cool careers and treat you poorly knowing there are 10,000 wannabes champing for the opportunity to be treated poorly.
My USNews.com piece today, Bah, Passion is the first in my weekly "Bah..." series in which I reveal my inner Scrooge and offer straight talk about career issues.
That's because most people's passions are in just a few areas so 10 zillion people apply for each good job.
And because of that, most employers pay poorly for most such cool careers and treat you poorly knowing there are 10,000 wannabes champing for the opportunity to be treated poorly.
My USNews.com piece today, Bah, Passion is the first in my weekly "Bah..." series in which I reveal my inner Scrooge and offer straight talk about career issues.
Sunday, November 3, 2013
Tuesday, October 29, 2013
Einstein, My Co-Counselor (For dog lovers only)
A real client (permission to publish granted), Einstein, and me |
This will be published as the BackPage essay in The Bark. I thought you might enjoy an advance look.
Einstein, My Co-Counselor
By Marty Nemko
To be accurate, Einstein is
my receptionist, co-counselor, stress management consultant, and fitness
trainer. He greets my clients with an
enthusiasm no paid receptionist could match. I mean, even if I paid a
receptionist $100,000 a year, s/he wouldn't give each client a big sloppy kiss.
Following the few-second
love fest, Einstein gives a new meaning to the term “lap dog:” In his
excitement, he runs laps around the house, each time breaking the land-speed
record. It’s the Barktona 500.
Fortunately, Einstein
recognizes he has another job. So after he’s completed his appointed (ahem)
rounds, he downshifts and escorts the client to the sofa, of course, sitting
right next to him if not on his lap bestowing another round of kisses. Of
course, there’s the occasional client who prefers career counseling without a
face washing, in which case the client eases Einstein off the sofa. In those
cases, undeterred, Einstein assumes the position---head on the client’s
shoes.
Jack of all trades, master
of all, Einstein is my co-counselor. Even though I’m a career counselor not a
psychotherapist, sometimes a client gets anxious during a session. After all,
it’s not easy to discuss having been unemployed for eons and now trying to land
a good job at a time when they’re harder to find than a perfect and cheap dog
sitter who’ll stay at your house 24/7. So when clients feel stressed, they often
pet Einstein and if they were already petting him, they tend to speed up—a
useful anxiety detector for me.
Sometimes, Einstein has yet
another job: doggie playmate. If I learn that my client has a dog who won’t pee
on my carpet to show Einstein who’s boss—I invite, no, urge, the client to
bring said pooch. Einstein then--ever the flexible host--leads whatever activity
the guest desires: from more laps to play fighting to dog-to-dog snuggling.
Einstein is even gracious enough to allow guests to share his kibble, an offer
most of my human guests pass on.
Einstein wears two other
hats. He’s my stress management consultant, on call 24/7. When stressed, I’ll
often snuggle up to him on the floor, nose to nose, and rub his belly. 30 seconds of that makes
anxiety a physical impossibility.
Einstein is also my fitness
trainer. Without him, it would be too tempting to stay on my butt but Einstein
needs his exercise and poopertunities, so we take walks four times a day, one a
vigorous 45-minute hike. An overpriced, overmuscled fitness trainer couldn't keep me that diligent.
Lest you think Einstein is
the perfect dog, I’d like to acquaint you with what he was like before he
matured into a multitasking professional.
When I walked into the
pound’s adoption area, I was greeted in the first cage by a pit bull who sort of
snarled. I sped up. In the next cage, a Rottweiler retreated in fear. I walked
on by. But in the third cage, a little white terrier with a poodley face got on
his back legs and pawed the cage squealing, “Please take me out. Puhleeze!” The
attendant told me that that sweet dog had been thrown over the fence into the
pound’s parking lot in the middle of the night and was found in the morning
clutching a barbecued rib.
“Want to take him for a
walk?” "You betcha," I replied. And I swear, the doggie knew it was an audition. He stood up
as straight and proud as he could, bent his head down so the attendant could put
the leash on and when the attendant handed me the leash, tail up, he smartly led
me toward the door. We got outside and he continued to walk perfectly—without
pulling—until he found an irresistible bush to pee on. He was trained! Of course, it had been love at first sight, a
love made practical when I saw that perfectly placed leg lift.
Unfortunately, pound policy required My Doggie to stay there for seven days lest the owner (“mean owner, bad owner, bad owner”) decided to reclaim him. Can you imagine how hard it was for me to have to leave My Doggie there in that cage?! The very first minute the pound opened on the seventh day, I phoned, “Is that little white terrier/poodle mix still available?” Yup. I jumped in the car and retrieved him from prison. He jumped happily on me, then equally happily into the car---Yay, he likes car rides! He didn't, however, like our next stop—the vet for neutering. But he handled it just the way a sweet doggie should, without a hint of a growl.
Unfortunately, pound policy required My Doggie to stay there for seven days lest the owner (“mean owner, bad owner, bad owner”) decided to reclaim him. Can you imagine how hard it was for me to have to leave My Doggie there in that cage?! The very first minute the pound opened on the seventh day, I phoned, “Is that little white terrier/poodle mix still available?” Yup. I jumped in the car and retrieved him from prison. He jumped happily on me, then equally happily into the car---Yay, he likes car rides! He didn't, however, like our next stop—the vet for neutering. But he handled it just the way a sweet doggie should, without a hint of a growl.
Alas, while his trials were
over, mine were just beginning. I named him Einstein because of his looks and
somehow hoping that the educators are right: students live up to high
expectations. Nope: Einstein is no Einstein. His name is false advertising. He
may be as sweet as they come but he’s dumb as dirt. And although he was almost a
year old, he still had a bad case of puppy hyperactivity on top of new-home
anxiety. Within the first week, “Einstein” had eaten the only pair of eyeglasses I've ever felt looked good on me and he ate a hole in three yes three carpets.
Let me issue a cautionary
note here. They say doggies are comfortable in a crate. That certainly did not
mean that Einstein was comfortable in an enclosed room, even though it had a
doggie door to the backyard. Now, isn't that as nice as a “crate” can get? I
had to leave the house and so I left him in that room with food and water, plus
music on to keep him company. When I returned, everything---books, paintings,
papers-- were strewn all over the floor. Was it an earthquake? A tornado? No. It
was Einstein. Worse, he had eaten the carpet next to the door in a frantic
attempt to escape the luxury “crate.”
And that wasn't the worst
thing. A day or two later, Einstein decided to make a meal of my medication. The
fact that it was in a sealed pill bottle didn't stop goal-oriented Einstein.
He treated it like a chew toy with a treat inside that he’d get as a reward for
pulling it apart. Alas, the reward was 20 pills. Off to the vet to get his
stomach pumped.
But scariest of all was one
morning when I opened the door to get the newspaper. Einstein escaped and tore
down the street. I--in my tee shirt, shorts, and slippers—raced after him.
While there are many turns he could have chosen, he picked the one that put him
on the freeway on-ramp. I chased him up
the ramp and for the first time in my life, I was grateful for traffic. The
freeway was dead-stopped. Knowing Einstein likes being in the car, I yelled ahead, “Someone, open your car
door!” Miraculously, someone divined
that I wasn't a stalker, opened the door, whereupon Einstein jumped in and my
idiot was saved.
But believe me, it has all
been worth it. Like so many dog owners, and I’m guessing it’s especially true of
The Bark readers, Einstein is a truly beloved family member. I’m embarrassed to
admit it but I care about my doggie more than I do most people. I love him
almost as much as my wife. He’s a true member of the family, even if he weren't the world’s best receptionist, co-counselor, stress reducer, and fitness
trainer.