Days of Our Work Lives: An unvarnished look at work today: Part I: David's Saga. Episode 13: Far From the Madding Crowd

Days of Our Work Lives

Part I: David's Saga

Episode 13

Far From the Madding Crowd

In the previous episode, fed up with the Bay Area, David and a reluctant Susan decided to move.

They had geographic freedom. David's big win at work enabled him to convince his boss to let him work remotely--He'd only occasionally have to come to the San Francisco office. And Susan had only a few music students so  moving would cost her little.

They decided on Sage River, Washington (a fictitious name for a real town,) an hour from Seattle but light-years away in feel: green, safe, and where a nice home costs $200K. Plus, it was a tight community. For example, nearly every week, there was a fun fundraiser for some good cause. And importantly, there was a friendly public school, with 15 or 20 kids in each class, and teachers who had a better sense of perspective than those Bay Area teachers who viewed algebra in elementary school as more important than learning how to estimate, the details of the Peloponnesian Wars more important than real-world one-on-one conflict resolution, who prioritized academic rigor over developing creativity and kindness let alone enjoying the oh-too-brief breathing space of childhood.

The transition from San Francisco to Sage River was easier than they had feared:

David had no trouble working from home: The files he worked with, all digital, were as available in Sage River as in San Francisco. He met with colleagues by phone and Skype. Whatever distraction working at home caused was compensated for by his zero-minute commute. No matter how much he had told himself that traffic is out of his control and so should stay calm, he just couldn't. By the time he had arrived at his desk each morning in San Francisco, he was already a little dissipated.

Susan also discovered the wonders of Skype and taught her music students that way. And she attracted a few new piano students with a YouTube video she created on how to learn to play the piano by ear. The method was simple yet effective: By trial and error, plunk out songs you can hum--like Mary Had a Little Lamb. Each trial gives the student's feedback, and soon, most students are learning to play by ear and via a much more pleasant process than learning to read sheet music and doing Hanon exercises.

And because life was simpler, David and Susan had more time and energy and so, for example, they were able to focus more on how to deal with Adam's ADHD diagnosis. 

They realized they were being defensive in summarily dismissing that. No, they still didn't think the answer was to make Adam take amphetamines for the rest of his life. But they agreed that a more unified front on parental boundary-setting was called for. So they agreed to, for example, when Adam threw a fit when asked to take his own cereal, they wouldn't give in. Instead, they'd say something like "Adam, I know you don't want to act like a baby. You want to be a big boy. Well, big boys take their own cereal. I know you can do it."  And if that doesn't work, "I'm disappointed in you, Adam. I know you want to do better. Well, if you take your cereal, you can have breakfast, otherwise you'll have to stay hungry." Parenting by guilt, with reward and punishment added as-needed. And if despite all that, Adam continued to tantrum, they agreed they'd ignore it--giving him attention would only reinforce his bad behavior. That was their mantra: "parenting by guilt." David and Susan weren't then perfect parents but good-enough parents.

Next, it was time to look at their marriage.

HERE is the next episode.

Video: How to Play the Piano By Ear: a six-minute lesson may teach you all you need to know

In a recent post, I presented a way to learn how to play the piano by ear. A reader asked if I'd make a video demonstrating it. Here it is:

How to Learn to Play the Piano By Ear--(Perhaps) All You Need to Know in Six Minutes

Update: This video wasn't originally in this post but a reader asked me to create one, so I've added it here and in a separate post I've just posted.

Many people take piano lessons with the goal of easily playing songs by ear, for example, at a party.

Yet the way they're taught, that rarely happens. They're taught mainly to read music. That doesn't develop your ear because you're translating what you see on the page to what you play with your fingers. Your ear is left out of the process.

If you aren't tone deaf, I'm guessing that the following is an efficient way to learn to play by ear. It's how I learned to.

Any keyboard will do but this Yamaha, for $249, is a good choice for a beginner.

The video above demonstrates the method. Here's that method in text: 

1. Using trial and error, try to, by ear,  with your right index finger, plunk out Mary Had a Little Lamb. Stay with it it until you can play it at the standard tempo. Each time you guess a note right or wrong, you're getting feedback on what the interval between two piano keys sounds like. Your ear, your ability to pick the right note to play, is thus constantly getting better.

2. After you can reliably plunk out Mary Had a Little Lamb with one finger, with the index finger of your left hand, try, again using trial and error, to play a note that sounds harmonious with the note you're playing in the right hand. Play one note on every beat. I show the beats in red CAPS:  
MAry HAD a LIttle LAMB, LIttle LAMB, LIttle LAMB,  
MAry HAD a LIttle LAMB,
Its FLEECE was WHITE as SNOW. 

3. When you can reliably do that, add a harmony note to the RIGHT hand on each beat. Again, trial and error. Each error and each success builds your ear's ability to predict what will likely sound good.  

4. Repeat steps 1-3 with other easy songs you can easily hum. It's best to start with songs with a short distance between most notes. Examples:  Do-Re-Mi, Jingle Bells, Yankee Doodle.

If I'm right, with far less practice than is required with traditional lessons, you'll be able to play, with harmony and rhythm, anything you can hum. 

This method could take you quite far. I learned piano playing this way and playing purely by ear, without reading music, I played over 2,000 union-professional gigs (including in brand-name orchestras like Lester Lanin, Peter Duchin, and Dwight Howard) in New York City between ages 12 and 22.  

At age 50, I  developed a hand condition, which rendered me a seven-fingered pianist but HERE is what I sound like with seven fingers. Of course, I'm playing by ear. The beginning isn't much but you might want to listen to all 3 1/2 minutes. 

Feel free to write a comment letting me know how well this method is working for you or if you have any questions.