If You Worry That You're Dull

"They Say I'm Too Intense:" Suggestions that don't require a personality transplant

A client today is at risk of getting fired because despite being competent at his job, his boss said that she and others find him too intense. We developed a number of suggestions that he's enthusiastic about and may be of help to you. I describe them in my Psychology Today article today.

Honoring the Serious Person

Most people prefer upbeat types. But we'd be wise to spend time with those with a serious demeanor. My Psychology Today article today makes the case as well as offers suggestions for how to make the most of interacting with serious types.

Calming an Angry Personality: Lessons from a success story.

An angry personality can hurt a person professionally and personally. I had always thought of an angry personality as difficult to change, requiring a personality transplant, lots of effort, long-term with no guarantee of success.

Yet I had a client who—no credit to me—went from being a man usually seething to quite calm. My Psychology Today article today tells his story and lessons that may be of value to us all.

Could "Think Happy" "Really Work?

A client called me the day before yesterday. He was ebullient. He had previously lived with mainly three emotions: fear, anger, and sadness. But at the end of our previous session, he decided to try to be happy. My Psychology Today article today describes what happened.

The Case for Being a GoodAss

Today, a number of books and gurus urge being a BadAss: aggressive, tough, even intimidating. But my Psychology Today article today makes the case for being a GoodAss.

Performing as a Tool for Personal Growth

You’re shy or bombastic, too laid-back or too fast paced.

Of course, it’s very difficult to change your core personality, but if you’d like to try tweaking it or adding a persona to your toolkit, one approach is to perform. Why? When we perform, the stakes feel high so we tend to get unusually engaged, as when we focus more when taking a test compared with when just studying the material.

My Psychology Today article today suggests how you might use performing as a tool for personal growth.

Misunderstood?

Recently, I posted 35 Questions to Help You Know Yourself or Others Better.  One of its questions was, “What do people misunderstand about you?” My Psychology Today article today offers two composite letters from people who feel misunderstood.

What Your Daily Routines Say About You

By definition, habits are done automatically. So we rarely think much about them.

But our habits can tell us a lot about ourselves. That's especially true of our daily routines. Over decades and thousands of repetitions, we’ve been refining those routines to fit who we are.

My Psychology Today article today asks you questions about your daily routines that may help you identify your core characteristics. Also, they'll confirm what you already believe about yourself, or maybe inspire you to make a change.

Number Nuts: An underappreciated lot?

My Psychology Today article today makes the case that lovers of numbers are unfairly denigrated. 

Our Multiple Authentic Selves

A client today said that she doesn't want to be a phony and has a hard time being her authentic self. I explained that we have multiple authentic selves; each is a different part of ourselves. Using a particular persona in an interaction isn't phony, it's flexible, the opposite of narcissistic. She found the concept liberating.

I explain, including a list of possible authentic selves, in my Psychology Today article today. 

Restraint or Expressiveness? Advantage of each

I grew up in the Jewish tradition, in which expressiveness was encouraged. In contrast, this year, I’ve read three books presenting the opposite. In A Man Named Ove, a Swede so prized keeping his feelings to himself that no one had an inkling that he was planning to commit suicide, down to where to hang the rope. I also read three books, Kafka on the Shore, 1Q84, and Geisha, which showed the Japanese culture’s venerating restraint.

Some of expressiveness or restraint may be cultural and resistant to dramatic change but doubtless, some volition remains. So, in the service of your considering whether to become more or less expressive, my PsychologyToday.com article today lists restraint’s and expressiveness’s advantages.

Developing a Winning Personality

Even some brilliant people suffer professionally and personally from the lack of a likeable personality.

And some such people don’t care: “I don’t want to play their silly games.” But if you do care to, as the classic book, said, “win friends and influence people,” perhaps one or more of the tips I offer in my PsychologyToday.com article today will help: