Are You as Responsible as You Want to Be? Questions to consider

It’s tempting to be irresponsible. As Freud would term it, to let your id reign. For example, if you work as little as you can get away with, there’s more time for play, for example playing or watching sports or video games. And irresponsible play can be more fun: risky sex, mind-altering drugs, treating the highway like a speedway. Indeed, I’ve noticed an increase in the number of cars darting in and out of lanes at a zillion miles an hour.

Yet I want to risk being a spoil-sport, like the dour, finger-wagging father or cleric often portrayed in the media: from The Scarlet Letter’s Reverend Dimmesdale to the eponymous father in The Great Santini to Game of Thrones’ Tywin Lannister.

My Psychology Today article today makes the case for the primacy of responsibility and then asks you questions to help you decide if you're as responsible as you'd like to be.

The Value of Reconsidering

True, first impressions are often right. We’ve all said, “I wish I would have trusted my first instinct.” And then there’s the advice on taking multiple-choice tests: Trust your first answer.

But when should you reconsider? I explore in my Psychology Today article today.

In Search of Ecstasy: Bringing more peak moments into your life

Ecstasy is the pinnacle feeling. Perhaps the ideas I offer in my Psychology Today article today will help you foster more of those peak moments.

Try-and-Revise

Try-and-revise means replacing excess rumination with a low-risk trial, monitoring the results, and, as necessary, revising or scrapping in favor of a more promising approach. I offer examples in my Psychology Today article today.

Performing as a Tool for Personal Growth

You’re shy or bombastic, too laid-back or too fast paced.

Of course, it’s very difficult to change your core personality, but if you’d like to try tweaking it or adding a persona to your toolkit, one approach is to perform. Why? When we perform, the stakes feel high so we tend to get unusually engaged, as when taking a test compared with just studying the material.

My Psychology Today article today describes how you might use performing as a tool for personal growth:

Claiming Your Agency: We may have more control than we realize

Some people are frustrated at their lack of agency. For example, they might want more control over decisions at work, in a relationship, or over what other people believe or do.

Of course, you could try to be more assertive, more persuasive, change jobs, or change relationships, which may get you more agency. But the focus of my Psychology Today article today is on reminding you of the agency that everyone has and perhaps takes for granted or doesn’t make the most of.

4 Pieces of Standard Career Advice That Requires More Nuance

Yesterday, I gave a talk to young adults that explained why some conventional career advice requires more nuance. My Psychology Today article today outlines what I had planned to tell them. (I ended up mainly answering their questions.)

When Your Romantic Partner Has a Serious Disease: 5 questions to help you decide what to do

Perhaps nothing tests a relationship more than a serious illness.

I’ve seen clients react in the full range of ways: from stopping their life to care for their partner to divorcing him. Many people choose a middle ground: providing some emotional support, taking the partner to doctors’ appointments, handling some of the day-to-day, but not so much as to seriously impede their life. They often hire help.

How do you figure out what’s right for you? Perhaps the questions I ask in my Psychology Today article today will help:

Loneliness: Figuring out why and what to do about it

Many people go through periods, maybe long periods, feeling lonely. Perhaps the questions I ask in my Psychology Today article today can help.

The Weather and You Making the most of it, psychologically and practically

Both psychologically and practically, weather affects us all, every day of our lives. Are you making the most of its good and minimizing the impact of its bad. My Psychology Today article today aims to help.

The Case for Self-Denial: The most rewarding way to live?

The standard view is that the path to the life well-led is furthered by pleasure: material, social, entertainment.

Under-considered is the life of self-denial: poverty, endless giving expecting nothing in return, the only pleasure being in feeling virtuous. I make the case in my Psychology Today article today.

 

Partygoing for Introverts

With COVID subsiding at least for now, people are more comfortable throwing parties. So the introvert has less excuse for begging off. If you'd like to feel better about going, I offer tactics in my Psychology Today article today.

Getting to Continue to Work Remotely

Many people have come to prefer working at home to having to brave the commute for the privilege of sitting in a cube farm where you can’t even hear yourself think.

But now, employers are often summoning employees back to the office. If you’d rather work from home, my Psychology Today article today might help.

Finding an Exercise Routine You’ll Stay With

Yes, yes, we all know we need to exercise, but it’s tough to do it often enough. Perhaps one or more of the ideas in my Psychology Today article today will help.

Friends Over Family? A look at society's most exalted institution

That's the topic of my Psychology Today article today.

Getting Stuff Done

A client three days ago lamented not getting enough done. This article distills how I tried to help. She wrote me today to say that our session helped a lot. This article provides the essence of that session. Perhaps it contains something that will help you get more done.

“You Ungrateful #@#!@!”: Dealing with people's not reciprocating your kindnesses

It feels frustrating to give, give, give, and get little or nothing back. I explore how to cope in my Psychology Today article today.

Non-Obvious Reasons You May Be Tired

Do you sense that you’re more fatigued that you should be? And your doctor has checked you out and there’s nothing wrong physically. What might you do?  My Psychology Today article today suggests possible reasons and solutions.

Reducing Stress: What has worked best for my clients

If you're prone to getting stressed, even overwhelmed, you might find the techniques I offer in my Psychology Today article today helpful. They're the ones that have worked best for my clients.

Should You Live in or Away From a Metropolis?

My Psychology Today article today explore the pros and cons of living in or away from a metropolitan area.

Rewards and Punishments: The art of using them to motivate you

Ideally, we’d all be motivated just by intrinsics: the internal drive to do what’s right. Alas, we’re not. After all, think of how many people wouldn’t show up to work unless they received an extrinsic: pay. Think of how many students would work less hard if there were no grades. Might even some spouses make less effort if it weren't for fear of a painful, expensive divorce?

My Psychology Today article today offers thoughts on how to personalize the use of rewards and punishments to motivate you to do what you should do but are resisting.

Lessons for Today from Old-School Professionals

If you've tried to get services from a physical or mental health provider, or from your cable or phone company, getting an appointment, let alone service can be maddening. I want to give a shout out to my dentist, who puts patients first, money last. That's my Psychology Today article today. 

 

Efficient Practicing: 3 steps to improving your performance while reducing practice time

Everyone knows that unless you’re a natural, you need to practice, whether it's a counseling technique, how to respond to a complaint, or perfecting a sales or fundraising pitch. But many people practice inefficiently. My Psychology Today article today should help.

“Will I Ever Find My Passion?” 9 questions that may unearth yours

I have a client who’s an engineer and feels he’s just going through the motions, afraid  that his career will always be humdrum. He asked, “Is there any chance that at my age, I’ll find my passion and make a living at it?”  My Psychology Today article today offers nine questions that may unearth your career passion.

The Art of Delegating: Making the most of this tool for overworked managers

Many of my clients who are managers complain of being overworked. No surprise, we discuss what and to whom they might delegate.

My Psychology Today article today offers a model that has worked well for my clients.