Bah, Foodie Food: The Best-Tasting Foods I've Ever Eaten

I know that many people like trendy food like free-range, sustainably grown, organic grass-fed arugula in a citrus balsamic vinagrette topped with pan-seared sun-dried tomatoes on a bed of whole-wheat bulgar.

Sure, that's healthy but, to my unsophisticated taste buds, most foodie food tastes like doody. 

All right, that's a bit hyperbolic. Let's just say I think it tastes worse than normal food. 

Not to mention, it's expensive and the portions microscopic--It usually works out to about $200 a pound. Lest you think I exaggerate, have you ever been to a restaurant where they serve an appetizer on a vast plate that's empty except for, in the middle, one shrimp? $12.95 for a one-ounce shrimp. That comes to $207 a pound.

To provide a mote of counterbalance to foodie phantasmagoria, here are the best-tasting things I've ever eaten. 

While most are loaded with fat, the consensus is that dietary cholesterol has only modest impact on blood cholesterol, which itself may only modestly increase heart attack risk.  

Calories, however, do count. And most of these yummies have plenty:

1. I love cheese and the best tasting I've ever had, would you believe, is Kraft Cracker Barrel Aged Reserve Cheddar won the gold medal at the World Cheese Competition? I'd give it platinum. And unlike frou-frou cheeses, it's under $4 for 8 ounces and available at any supermarket.

2. Garlic cheese bread. I can't even conceive of anything tastier. Try THIS diet buster.

Simpler variation: a plain 'ol grilled cheese sandwich with tomato or tomato soup. Try making the sandwich with the aforementioned cheddar.

3. Costco apple pie: Better than all the gourmet apple pieces--crisp fresh apples with just the right sweet/tart/cinnamon flavor. $9.99 for a pie that feels as heavy as a bowling ball. Ridiculous bargain.

Of course, it wouldn't be complete without vanilla ice cream. Any will do but I usually go for Breyer's Natural Vanilla. Compared with say, Haagen Daz, it's less sweet, less calorific, is all-natural, and the vanilla bean flecks delude me into thinking it's healthier. See what a health nut I am? Oh and Breyers is less than half the price of those super-"premium," super-priced, super-fattening pints, which are just small enough to tempt me to knock off an entire container in one sitting or standing. (Silly to risk putting that bit back in the freezer, where it would grow ice crystals.)

4. Thai yellow chicken curry at a good hole-in-the-wall restaurant. (You can usually find one on Yelp.) They often use too much fish sauce, a salty brew that drowns out the yummy curry, so ask them to go easy on the sauce, fish sauce, that is.

Now they're saying coconut milk is good for you. If so, does that make this dish, swimming in the stuff, health food?

5. A good croissant. You'd think that a local bakery's would be best but unless you're close to a great patisserie, you won't find any better (or cheaper) than  Costco's: $5.99 a dozen. Or try THESE frozen babies from Trader Joe's. (Only $3.99 for eight minis.)

Or if you want to go sweet, try TJ's also-frozen Kouigns Amanns. They're to die for, hopefully not literally. (Just 3.99 for 4.)

Noting my touting of Trader Joe's and Costco stuff, I feel the need to reassure you that neither TJ's  nor Costco is paying me a penny to swoon over their products. Actually no one has ever offered me a penny to swoon over anything.

6. A crisp Fuji or Jazz apple. Get around the healthiness by enjoying the apple with that Kraft cheddar or your favorite blue cheese. Mine is--you guessed it--Trader Joe's Cave-Aged ($6.99 a pound.)

7. While I'm, for a moment, thinking healthy, I love good corn on the cob. Yeah, I know, it's high in carbs and sugar. Make it worse by bathing it in butter.

8. Last and weirdest, I love sliced bananas in nonfat plain yogurt, perhaps adding cinnamon. At least it's healthy--unless you're a vegan, who insists dairy is death.