Tough Problems: Lack of Motivation

My PsychologyToday.com article today is the first in a series: Tough Problems. In each, I present two composite questions faced by my clients and my response to each. Both of today's are about people who can't seem to motivate themselves to do much.

When Willpower Isn't Enough

You know you shouldn’t procrastinate but you do.

You know you should be more (or less) assertive but you aren't.

You know you shouldn’t overeat. But you do.

There is such a gap between what we know we should do and actually do.

The most realistic answer is to accept your basic self. Increasingly, scientists are learning that lack of discipline is heavily in our genes. According to a recent metaevaluation, which synthesized the results of 31 studies, 60 percent of the variance in self-control is genetic.

While we may need to accept that we’re unlikely to transform from procrastinator to superproducer, meek to magisterial, overeater to mousy eater, we can, ahem, nibble around the edges. The key is to identify a realistic baby step. I offer some likely candidates in my PsychologyToday.com article today.

Developing Drive: Building motivation depends on why it's low.

Developing drive is among my clients' most central problems. In my PsychologyToday.com article today, I offer three prescriptions for addressing the problem .

Top Ten Ways to Gain Willpower

So many people can't motivate themselves to do what they know they should. My PsychologyToday.com article today offers my top ten ways to gain willpower. Might one or more help you?

Four Easier Tips for Increasing Your Willpower

Advice on willpower is generally dispensed by people with plenty of it. Of course, what works for them is less likely to work for people who struggle to find the discipline.

My PsychologyToday.com article today offers four tips have often helped my clients who struggle with discipline. Perhaps at least one will work for you

Seven Ways to Make Yourself Follow Through

When we're facing a big, hairy task, it's tempting to procrastinate until the last minute, at which point, you only have time to do a marginal job. 

My PsychologyToday.com article today lists the tactics my clients have found most useful in helping them follow through.

HERE is the link.

A Five-Minute Course in Finding Contentment

I was curious which of my 1,250 blog posts has been read most often. Three stood out:

How I Could Live Decently on $20,000 a Year

Top 10 Ways to Gain Willpower

The Peter Pan Syndrome: Why Smart People Fail

So today, I went back and tuned each of those up. 

It would take you just five minutes total to read all three and it just might be of real value to you.

My Four Favorite Ways to Reduce Procrastination

The National Society for Leadership asked me to record three minutes of tips on how to conquer procrastination. HERE it is. To hear it, after you click on that link, when the webpage opens, click on the down arrow on the right side of the screen.

How Much is Your Procrastination Hurting You? Five Questions

How much, if at all, is your procrastination hurting you? These questions can help you decide if you need to try to improve:

1.  How often does your procrastination increase your anxiety in excess of the benefit derived?

A) Often
B) Sometimes
C) Rarely
D) Never

2. How often does your procrastination significantly hurt the quality of your work products?

A )Often
B) Sometimes
C) Rarely
D) Never

3. How much has your procrastination hurt your career?

A) Greatly
B) Moderately
C) A bit
D) Not at all

4. How often does your procrastination frustrate your family and friends?

A) Often
B) Sometimes
C) Rarely
D) Never

5. How much has procrastination hurt your performance in school and college?

A) Greatly
B) Moderately
C) A bit
D) Not at all

My Current Thoughts on How to Replace Procrastination with Willpower, Motivation, Focus, and Drive

Obviously you'll be more motivated if you're pursuing something you're passionate about. But even if you're passionate about something, you may not be sufficiently driven. That's especially likely if your passion is shared by lots of people and you're competing for limited opportunities: for example, in the arts, environment, fashion, journalism.

And often we need to do things we're not that passionate about. You may, for example have chosen to be an accountant even though you'd rather be a singer. But to be even a reasonable successful person, in any field, requires drive.

Some people are fortunate to be intrinsically driven. They do everything with vigor. But if you're not, often these can help:

1. Break it down to baby steps, perhaps giving yourself a reward after each baby step. That's old news but it works, perhaps more often than anything else.

2. Be accountable to someone else: Tell people your goal (e.g., lose 20 pounds, get a job within three months, whatever.) Perhaps have daily check-ins. Or try a dramatic solution: Hire someone for a day or two to monitor you and keep you on-task, for example, in job searching. That may get you into the rhythm. Yes, it may cost you $100 or $200, but you've spent that much on an evening out. This will yield you far more benefit and even pleasure.

The Definitive Guide to Replacing Procrastination with Willpower?

In preparing for a course I'll likely soon teach for The Great Courses, Replacing Procrastination with Willpower, I've written THIS article.

It distills what I've learned from helping countless people replace at least some of their procrastination with drive.

I've previously written dozens of articles and chapters on replacing procrastination with motivation, drive and willpower. This article distills them plus adds a number of new and potent ideas.

The Two Keys to Achieving Your Goals and Keeping Your New Year's Resolutions

You can set goals and make New Year's resolutions but you'll probably fail unless you remember one thing: stay conscious.

Let's say you want to lose 20 pounds in six months. That meets all the usual criteria for a good goal: realistic, specific, and important. But you will fail unless you stay conscious of the importance of your achieving your goal, from the moment you start thinking about eating through the moment you finish or get distracted by something else. Without that vigilance, it's just too easy to succumb to "Ooh, that food will taste good." It may also help to break your goal into a small step:one pound in the next four days, for example.

Another example: You want to land a job within three months and, to that end, you want to put in 30 good hours a week. During those 30 hours, you must stay conscious that you must put in the time, reminding yourself of all the benefits you'd get from landing a job. Again, it can help to break it down into smaller goals, for example, I'll make five calls today.

If staying conscious isn't enough, tell one or more people your goal and deadline and, if necessary, ask if you could check in daily. For example, ask if you could email them the letter grade A through F you'd give yourself for your day's work.

Getting Motivated, Staying Motivated

Tomorrow, I'll be giving a talk to a large group of long-term unemployed professionals. My topic: getting and staying motivated.

Today, for many people, even many solid professionals, a job search has become a marathon. The willpower to stay that long course has become essential.

Whether or not you're looking for a job, perhaps you might appreciate seeing a draft of the handout I'll be distributing to them. Feedback welcome.

Getting and Staying Motivated

If you haven't already, redo your resume. Inventorying yourself usually increases your confidence.

Do it the fun, easy way. Is it more fun for you to network, e.g., always lunch with someone? Cold contact? Answer ads?

Try something new: For example, if networking events haven't worked for you, try a professional conference or trade show, especially the exhibitors. Or answer ads--but only if you can write a top-of-the-heap application.

Break it down into baby steps. Use the fundraising thermometer my wife used?

Choose a narrow focus and become expert at it. Remember my client who decided to specialize in software product management.

Commit publicly. Tell everyone you're looking. Your fear of embarrassment may motivate you.

Get confronted. I'm finding myself more motivated to lose weight since my doctor said, "You're not cosmetically fat but you're getting medically fat. Your BMI is 27."

Daily check-in, perhaps with a ProMatch colleague, perhaps using a reward and/or punishment for each daily goal. Or use Stickk.com.

Establish a deadline. For example, wife said, "No job in six months? I'll take over your job search."

Volunteer or take a low-level job to put structure in your life, get you moving, and meet people. Particularly good are organizations in your field--that makes you more knowledgeable and connected.

Afraid of admitting you're looking for a job? Remember, today, so many are looking. Also, frame it as a positive: "This time, no settling. I'm going after what I really want (insert your target work.)

Afraid of sounding stupid? Practice, then start with your least desirable leads. And realize that with each subsequent contact, you get a fresh start.

Afraid of rejection? Successful people are rejected a lot. They learn from failures and move right on. No wallowing. And remember: being ignored is the new rejection. It's not that you're not worthy even of a rejection.

Afraid of imposing? You're asking for no more time than in asking for directions. If the person wants to give you more, that's his choice. Too, you're not asking for a handout; you're asking to work for fair pay.

Ambivalent about success? 1. Even bad people deserve a shot at redemption--honest work redeems. 2. If your success gets you more work, you can set limits. 3. Is it right to sabotage yourself because someone wishes you ill? Perhaps that person shouldn't be part of your life.

Find inspiration: a personal role model? A book? A quote? Religious faith? A famous person? Remember Churchill's so-frequent failures.

Make your job search not a choice. Simply force yourself to start working. No excuses. This is so basic, but for many people it's what most-often works. If necessary, just start with a one-second task. My father didn't think about whether it's pleasant--Snow or shine, he took a bus, two trains, and a six-block walk to open that miserable, little store every day.

One-minute struggle. If you haven't made progress over a stumbling block in a minute, you're unlikely to. You'll just get frustrated and be less likely to job-search. Get help or do it without solving the stumbling block.

Procrastination is a career killer. Remember: 80% of unemployed people say they're procrastinators versus 25% of employed professionals.

Stop abusing drugs/alcohol. Some people are helped by a 12-step programs, others by behavioral therapy, others by support from friend(s) and family.

Might you be clinically, not situationally, depressed or be bipolar? If so, exercise, music, and some cognitive-behavioral therapy, perhaps without drugs, may help. HERE is a link to solid information on depression. HERE is a link to solid information on bipolar disorder.

Might you have ADD/ADHD? If you're highly distractible, try eliminating distractions, and exercising. If that's insufficient, it might be worth asking a specialist if ADD medication is worth a try.

Embrace work. S/he who tries to accomplish as much as possible rather than as little as s/he can get away with is much more likely to stay employed, avoid depression, feel good about himself, and make a difference.

Remember my dad's story: Never look back. Always look forward.

Developing Drive: Replacing procrastination with motivation

I've just finished writing what I believe is my best article on replacing procrastination with motivation, willpower, and drive. HERE is the link.

I've devoted particular effort to developing this article because I'll be using it for three purposes:

• as the basis for the speech I'll be giving at San Francisco's Grace Cathedral this Monday,
• as the demo class that The Great Courses has asked me to do. Indeed, you'll notice that it is written as if it were a lecture for The Great Courses.
• as the basis for my NPR-San Francisco radio show a week from tomorrow, Oct 23.

While I always value your feedback, I'd particularly value it on this article. (HERE is another link to it.) Which of the article's 11 strategies do you believe would and wouldn't actually help you? Care to suggest any others? Does the article's tone work for you?

Relentlessness: The Key to Success

I keep finding that successful people have, in addition to intelligence, one key quality: relentlessness. They latch on a goal and then persist in a comprehensive attack on it.

For example, if I aspired to the long-shot career of sportswriter, I'd:

• identify the 20 sportswriters I most admire. For each, I'd read five or ten of their most recent articles, taking notes on what I most wanted to emulate.
• then write to each of them, explaining how much I admired them, and would include the aforementioned examples. I'd ask if they would offer me career advice and/or feedback on articles I've written.
• send profuse thanks and a new article of mine to any sportswriters that responded. Eventually, I'd ask for leads and a letter of recommendation for a job or internship.
  
• read the useful articles on the websites of the National Sportscasters and Sportswriters Association, Baseball Writers Association of America, Football Writers Association of America, and U.S. Basketball Writers Association. I'd network and get advice at their national conferences and local chapter meetings. And I'd keep writing a lot, ever incorporating the useful feedback I was getting.
  

Despite sportswriting being a long-shot career, if I had at least moderate talent, I'd bet I'd achieve my goal of becoming a professional sportswriter.

Even in mundane fields, relentlessness is the most potent way to ensure your success. If you wait for good things to happen, or you tackle things in drips and drabs, unless you're brilliant or lucky, you'll likely be waiting for Godot.

Finding the Willpower

The cure for your lack of willpower depends on what causes it:

Many previous failures. If you too often fail, eventually you understandably figure it's not worth trying. In other words, you lose willpower.

The usually most successful solution: Choose more attainable goals: an job better suited to your strengths, a more attainable romantic partner, etc.

Hedonism. Here, you fail to realize that to the extent you prioritize pleasure over productivity, you are a drain on your family and on society. The wise person realizes that productivity is key to the life well-led, and that requires frequent impulse control and sacrificing of pleasure for the greater good of accomplishing something.

Genetically low energy. Some people emerge from the womb driven while others are laid back. That is very difficult to compensate for. It may help to pair up for work and avocationally with someone with moderately higher energy. It may rub off.

If you have long been depressed (not just because of a specific situation you're facing,) drugs such as Prozac or Wellbutrin may help, especially if combined with regular exercise and short-term cognitive therapy.

Drug or alcohol problems. The stereotype of the lazy pot smoker is true. To find willpower you must find the--well--willpower to stop doing drugs and alcohol. You are fooling yourself if you think it isn't hurting your work and personal life, not to mention your health.

People of faith are often best helped with a 12-step program such as Alcoholics Anonymous. More purely rational people are often helped with cognitive therapy. Some people are helped by a physician-prescribed drug that reduces cravings or makes you feel nauseous if you drink or do drugs. For some people, a combination works best. Here is a review of alcoholism treatments.

You're pampered or have been. For example, you were too often indulged by your parents, you're a trust fund baby, welfare recipient, or have a spouse or parent who pays your bills. Unless you're an intrinsically motivated person, if you're taken care of, you lose much willpower. The following may be unrealistic but it may be wise: Cut the purse strings and try to make it on your own. Much easier said than done, I'm sure.

Unearned high self-esteem. Many people have been led to believe they deserve high self-esteem merely because all people are worthy or because they're "The Chosen People," "Black is beautiful," etc. That mindset is likely to reduce your willpower. True self-esteem comes only from accomplishment. If you think otherwise, you're deluding yourself.

Misinterpreted theology. Some religious and otherwise spiritually oriented people believe canards like, "The world is abundant. It will provide" or "If it's meant to happen, it will," Many people misinterpret the Christian precept "Do not be willful" as "God will provide," rather than "Make all reasonable effort but at some point realize it's out of your control."

Along with intelligence and ethics, nothing is more key to the life well-led than willpower. I hope you might find at least one of the above suggestions helpful in improving yours.

Reactions to this article, including other suggestions on how to build willpower are, of course, welcome.

Top 10 Ways to Gain Willpower

Updated: Mar. 6, 2014

So many people can't motivate themselves to do what they know they should. Here are my top ten ways to gain willpower. Might one or more help you?

10. Embrace work. Work can feel as or more rewarding than play. Even though I enjoy, for example, watching movies, I feel better about working with a client and yes, writing this blog post. Because my work isn't too hard or too easy, it is pleasurable, and I feel I'm making a contribution--unlike when I'm watching a movie.

For my dad, work was a wonderful healer. After surviving the Holocaust, he was dumped from a cargo ship into the Bronx. He took the first job he could find--sewing shirts in a Harlem factory. It distracted him from his past and gave him hope for a better future. He finally saved up enough to open a tiny retail store in a bad neighborhood. While I can't say he loved his work, it avoided his living in the past, and made him feel purposeful, providing a decent life for his wife, my sister, and me.

It may be easier to embrace work if you always ask yourself, "What's the fun way to do this?" Even resume writing, cold calling, and interviewing can be reframed to be more fun. View resume writing as a way to figure out all the good things about yourself. Think of cold-calling as a treasure hunt, a backdoor into a crowded employment front door. Instead of an interrogation, think of a job interview as a first date, in which you're both trying to figure out if you should become more involved.

9. If possible, set an exciting goal. Goethe said, "Small dreams motivate no one." Worried about the risk of a trying for a big goal? You can usually control the risk. For example, use the time-honored approach of having a stable mundane job to fund your ability to pursue your dream. 

For example, Wallace Stegner waited tables at night and wrote during the day. He ended up winning a Pulitzer for his writing and founded Stanford's creative writing program, where his students included Sandra Day O' Connor, Ken Kesey, and Larry McMurtry. Remember too that even if you don't achieve your goal--for example, you never get published--your life is richer for having tried-- and you didn't, in the process, risk destitution.

8. Tell your goal to your loved ones--To avoid the embarrassment of admitting to your loved ones that you failed, you'll be more motivated to complete the task.

7. Don't think, act. The famous psychologist, William James, wrote, "The more we struggle and debate, the more we reconsider and delay, the less likely we are to act." Don't wait until you feel better to start the task, for example, looking for a job. Start and you're more likely to feel better.

6. The 6-step procrastination cure I teach my clients:

1. Decide if the task is worth doing: Picture the benefit. Picture the downside. If it is worth doing, do you love yourself enough to delay the short-term pleasure of avoiding the task for the long-term rewards from accomplishing it? Is it worth getting comfortable being uncomfortable?

2. Be aware of the moment you decide whether to start the task. Being conscious of that moment makes you more likely to choose to do the task.

3. Break the task down to baby steps. Don't know how? Get help.

4. Overwhelmed by the task? Try asking yourself, "What's my next one-second task?" Do that a few times and you may have jump-started yourself.

5. Be aware of your crisis points: when you're likely to procrastinate, for example, cooking when it would be wisest to work on your resume.

6. The one-minute struggle: After a minute of struggle, you're unlikely to make more progress. You are likely to get frustrated and quit the task. So after a minute, get help or see if you can do the task without doing that hard part.

5. Make it a ritual. If you're a job seeker, every day, be at your desk at 9 and take a five-minute break only after you've worked for at least a half-hour.

4. Keep your goal top-of-mind. It's easy to forget that you need to work on that project. Memotome.com will send you a reminder email twice a day. I'm trying to lose 15 pounds so I get emails saying, "Reasons to lose weight: live longer, fit in clothes better, look better. And remember, 'a moment of the lips; a lifetime on the hips.'" Update: Candidly, while this sounded good to me. It hasn't worked for me.

3. Go all the way: Instead of tackling your task in drips and drabs, totally immerse yourself in it. When it was time to start writing my first book, I moved out of my house for a week. I rented a cabin in Bolinas, just took my laptop (and my portable music synthesizer for recreation) and wrote for eight hours a day for a week. I got so into writing the book that it was easy for me to continue writing when I got home.

Another example of my going all the way: The only time I lost weight was when I was on a strict diet in which every day, I ate the same foods adding up to 1200 calories a day. That took the choice out of the matter.

2. Try affirmations. Some experts believe that repeating positive affirmations (for example, "I am going to do this!)-and visualizing your succeeding change your brain's neuronal structure, leading to more positive behavior. Viktor Frankl claims that his positive thinking helped him survive the Holocaust. Sports psychologists use visualization with pro athletes.

1. Have a cheerleader or slave-driver cheering, jeering, and/or guilt-tripping you into action.

BONUS: Don't let setbacks stop you prematurely. When you screw up, remember that winners err often. But winners don't get depressed about it--They ask themselves whether there's anything to learn from the setback, and they move on. Of course, if you fail and fail and fail again at something, perhaps the world is telling you you need a different goal. As Kenny Rogers says, "You gotta know when to hold 'em, know when to fold 'em.

Okay, are any of those strategies likely to help you get unstuck?