Days of Our Work Lives: Part III: Adam's Saga. Episode 7: Love Versus Career.

 Days of Our Work Lives

Part III: Adam's Saga

Episode 7

Love Versus Career

In the previous episode, Adam ran for student government treasurer and lost. 

Now a senior, he needed an extracurricular, if only to buff up his college applications--He really wanted to get into one of those seven-year combined bachelor's/Doctor of Optometry programs.

So he applied to be music director for Skit!, a competition of musical skits among the senior, junior, and sophomore classes. After all, he had learned to play piano well by ear. While still in 4th grade he played the Star Spangled Banner at an assembly. (When he finished, show-off that he was, he asked the teacher, "Can I play an encore," whereupon the teacher hustled him back to his seat.)  And last year, a sax-playing student asked if Adam wanted to make $25 playing a New Year's Eve gig at an Air Force base. Of course, Adam said yes. Alas, the sax player didn't tell him it was 100 miles away and that they'd have to rent a car to get there.

Skit's! student director chose someone else to be the music director--a worse musician than Adam but a more popular kid. Again, Adam got the message that it may be better to be popular than good.

But that turned out for the best. Skit's student director asked Adam if he'd be the audio-visual person. Adam liked gadgets and precision and besides, it was an extracurricular to put on his college applications. In his application essay, he could  explain how the skills he developed doing A/V could be relevant to being an optometrist. So he agreed.

Being the A/V guy yielded an even bigger benefit: He met Sara. She was the first girl who ever flirted with him: She looked him in the eye rather than past him. She even initiated conversation with him. In fact, she asked if he needed any help with the audio-visual. He didn't but he said he did. 

One day when he was setting up equipment in the sound booth, one of his contact lenses fell out. He and Sara got down on their knees to look for it. And when she found it, she said, "Can I put it in your eye?" Slowly, steadily, she did. And then she kissed him. His first real kiss.


In April, Adam got two fat envelopes. He had been admitted to two 7 yr OD/BS programs!  He was smart about how he picked between them: He read the student reviews in The Princeton Review Guide and on College Confidential, and when he visited the colleges, he asked random students what they liked and didn't like about the college. He gave little weight to the tour, knowing that would be like buying a car based on the salesperson. Nor did he give much weight to the campus's physical attractiveness. He knew that after the first few months, he'd hardly notice it. He also sat in on an advanced optometry class and at the break, asked students what they thought of the program and how employable the graduates are. As a result, he preferred the State University of New York program. Not only did the program seem great, it was exciting to think about living in New York City!

But at graduation, Adam and Sara had a difficult conversation. Should he not go there and go to the University of Washington where she was going? Should they go to separate colleges but agree to stay faithful to each other? Although Sara was a wonderful person, their relationship was great, and Sara wanted to continue the relationship, Adam was clear they shouldn't. 

Indeed, Adam ended up introducing Sara to her future husband. That provided an important career clue: Adam, in his heart, knew he would be wisest to resist societal pressures and remain single forever so he could devote himself more fully to work. 

That decision would profoundly affect his life...and that of many others. 

 The next episode is HERE.

Days of Our Work Lives: Part III: Adam's Saga. Episode 6: The College Admission Frenzy

Days of Our Work Lives

Part III: Adam's Story

Episode 6:

The College Admission Frenzy

In the previous episode, Adam's bicycling accident resulted in a trip to the optometrist, where he finally found a career he could be excited about. 

He set his sights on colleges that offered a 7-year combined bachelor's and Doctor of Optometry program but those are quite selective. Adam's GPA nor his SAT score were exceptional, despite having taken an SAT prep course. 

A side note: He had felt pressure to take the SAT prep course from peer and parent exhortations, which in turn are fueled by fear-mongering by SAT prep companies and by colleges' deceptive implications that admission is more selective than it is. In fact, SAT prep courses have only an insignificant average effect on score. Importantly, even if an SAT prep course did result in a student getting into a notch more selective college, there is no evidence that would result in more student learning or even employment enhancement. In fact, there's reason to believe that being a bigger fish in a less-selective pond would help more: a higher GPA, more leadership opportunities, less stress, etc. But the college-search frenzy suppresses reason. 

That frenzy also made Adam search for an extracurricular activity that would impress the colleges. It would have made sense for him to volunteer at an optometrist's office but, "Mom, that doesn't feel sexy enough." 

Susan replied, "Okay, I guess. Why don't you run for school treasurer? You're good with numbers and I've really benefited and feel I'm making a contribution as treasurer at Rotary."

Teenagers usually dismiss parents' advice--part of their attempt to become an autonomous adult. But this time, he agreed. "Running for office sounds cool and it'll look good on my college applications." Susan sighed but wasn't brave enough to tell Adam what she was thinking: "How easily students will prostitute themselves merely to get into a college that's a notch more selective. God knows what he'll do to get ahead in his career."

A side note: Children often imitate their parents, including choosing their career but that only partly explains why so many kids follow in their parents' footsteps. Parents pass on their genetics, give their child inside information, and can open doors in that career. Unfortunately, parents are often criticized for encouraging their kids to look at a parent's career. Typical criticism: "Put your ego aside and don't push your kid to do what you do. Let him find what he likes." But this writer believes that criticism is invalid. If a parent believes the child might be well-suited in his or her career,  it's wise to encourage--although not pressure--their child to consider it. 

Alas, Adam would not win the election. He was earnest, cognitive rather than emotional, and not socially adept. He lost in a landslide to a popular class clown whose platform was to steal money from rich kids to give to the poor... and to put a coke machine in the hallway.

Adam still needed an extracurricular.

The next episode is HERE.

Days of Our Worklives: an unvarnished look at work today. Part III: Adam's Story. Episode 5: Stick That in Your Eye!

Days of Our Work Lives

Part III: Adam's Saga

Episode 5

Stick That In Your Eye!

In the previous episode, Adam left the career fair wondering if there really were any good careers left. 
 

He put on his reflective jacket and helmet with built-in taillight, got on his reflective bike, turned on the flashing LED headlight, and headed home, musing on what the hell he wanted to be when he grew up.

Despite musing, Adam was paying attention, really. But when the car door opened right into his bike, Adam could not have avoided it. The door knocked Adam off his bike, with his eye landing right onto the narrow end of the headlight. A direct hit.

Fortunately, after just a few seconds, his vision returned to normal and he was otherwise fine but Susan and Ben insisted he go to the optometrist just to be sure. They looked on Yelp and found the highest-rated local optometrist that had lots of reviews. Anyone could have a shill write one or two positive reviews or a competitor could write a negative one to try to destroy him or her. But someone with a lot of ratings, mainly 5-star, plus detailed narrative reviews, is a good bet. Dr. Michaels was an hour away in Seattle but everyone agreed it was worth it.

In the waiting room, Adam was somehow scared. And he wasn't put at ease when Dr. Michaels came out. While professional, he wasn't exactly warm, nor was Adam calmed when Michaels put Adam in a machine that "will make a map of your retina."

But after the exam, Dr. Michaels said, "Everything is perfectly normal." Then Adam relaxed and asked, "Could you fit me for contact lenses? Glasses are dorky. Girls don't like them."

Dr. Michaels tried various lenses: "Better lens 1 or 2?"  until they seemed so similar that Adam couldn't tell and, again, he felt stupid.

At the end, when Dr. Michaels was writing the lens prescription, Adam was now fully relaxed and reflecting on the experience: He was fascinated by what Dr. Michaels did: all the gadgets, the precision, and that he could, just by writing a prescription, make you see perfectly, and without glasses. And you didn't have to be socially polished and you can still get 5-star ratings.

So Adam decided to ask Dr. Michaels about his career. Nearly everyone likes to talk about their career, especially if they're good at it, so Michaels was pleased when Adam asked, "I'm thinking about becoming an optometrist. What's best and worst about it?" 

He replied, "You help nearly every patient, there are few night emergencies, pay is good, there's prestige, it's low stress, and the technology is always improving so you can help more people. The only bad part is it requires a lot of school: 4 years of college and 4 years to get your Doctor of Optometry, although there are 7-year combined programs."

When Adam returned to the waiting room and the anxiously awaiting Ben and Susan, he was smiling. "I think I want to be an optometrist. Oh and I'm getting contact lenses!"

Susan asked, "Are you sure you'll take care of them? You're not exactly the neatest person in the world."

"I will. I will.'

Ben asked, "Are you sure you won't lose them?"

"I won't. I promise." 

The next episode is HERE.

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Days of Our Work Lives: Part III; Adam's Saga. Episode 4: Are There Any Good Careers Left?

Days of Our Worklives

Part III: Adam's Saga

Episode 4

Are There Any Good Careers Left?

In the previous episode, Susan and Ben tried to jump-start Adam's career exploration while he was still in middle school. To no avail.

But high school was to be different.

His high school experience got off to an inauspicious start. An upperclassman stopped the gaping freshman and said, "Hey, have you seen the swimming pool yet? It's cool! Just go up the stairs to the stairs to the very top." Adam walked the seven flights to find only an old storage closet. Welcome to the Lincoln High School "community."

Adam had always had a good number sense. For example, when he and his mom were in the supermarket, she'd pick a wedge of cheese, tell him it weighed, for example, .56 pounds and was $6.99 a pound, and in his head, Adam would nearly instantly, get within a nickel of the price. Yet somehow, perhaps because he wasn't developmentally ready, he nearly failed Algebra 1. He felt stupid. And even though he went on to get an A in Geometry and an A- in Algebra II, that failure stayed with him--he felt that if he were intelligent, he wouldn't have gotten a D in Algebra 1. 

In his junior year, he attended his school's career day, hopeful he'd come up with a career goal--as much to relieve his mom and Ben as for himself.

With his interest in the Middle East, Adam joined the long line of kids at the State Department table. But the representative informed him, "Foreign Service Officers don't get to choose their country and with 200 countries, you're more likely to end up in an Azerbaijan or Burkina Faso than a France or Italy. And you have to learn the language. Urdu anyone? Plus despite the Foreign Service exam being very demanding, your first two years will be likely be spent mostly on menial tasks such as processing visa applications." Nope

Then he went to the police department table. He said, "It's nonstop pressure, except when there's paperwork. There are the routine car and home alarms, which almost always are false alarms yet require 15 minutes of paperwork. Then you have to make sure your speeding tickets are of the right racial ratio. Really common are the domestic disputes--You're going into dangerous buildings with the couple screaming and once, the guy was behind the door with a knife. The overwhelming majority of us are good cops but the way the media treats us, the community thinks of us as pigs to be scared of or even spit at--and we can't do anything about it except fill out silly paperwork. Cops are people of action, not of paperwork. Being a cop ain't what it used to be." Nope.

The lawyer said, "It used to be a high-minded profession. But with the pressure for more wins to get more billable hours, ethics sometimes takes a backseat to chicanery. And speaking of billable hours, they're expecting 2,100, 2,200, which means you'll spend a lot of time sleeping on an office futon." Nope.

The doctor said, "It's almost impossible to keep up with all the advances. So when patients come in waving internet printouts and implying they know more than I do, sometimes they're right. And then there are the non-compliant patients:  Tell them to take a pill, they don't take it. Tell them to stop smoking, they don't stop. Then they sue you. Malpractice insurance may cover the costs but the stress of a suit is terrible. But worst of all are the complicated and contradictory rules and paperwork: the federal, state, and local regulations, plus the insurance company's. It isn't easy being a doctor today." Nope.

Adam walked out of the career fair feeling there were no good careers left. 

Yet of all things, a bicycling accident, led him to a great one.

The next episode is HERE.

Days of Our Worklives: Part III: Adam's Saga. Episode 3: Early Career Clues?

Days of Our Work Lives

Part III: Adam's Saga

Episode 3

Early Career Clues?

In the previous episode, Ben and Susan had their biggest fight ever: about how much to try to tame Adam's "natural maleness." Indeed the school was trying: A strong case can now be made that school is not boy-friendly.

Adam was really helped by Susan convincing the school to let him skip the 5th grade, going straight from 4th to 6th. With Adam now on Ritalin and willing and able to be compliant, the school could no longer blame his boredom on ADHD.  

Indeed, for most of the school day, Adam had good reason to be bored. With teachers rewarded and punished mainly for raising low-achievers' performance and not for helping above-average kids live up to their potential, most teachers allocate little time to meeting the needs of kids like Adam. The easiest thing for the school to do was let such kids skip a grade. And that's what they did with Adam, let him start middle school early--It was good for him and made the teacher's life easier.

Having struggled with their careers, Ben and Susan's nightly "What did you do in school today?" discussions often focused on trying to unearth career clues for Adam:  Susan reasoned, "If Adam could pick a well-suited career early, he could focus on that and so have a better chance of success." Ben added, "When there were plenty of good jobs, that was unnecessary but that won't be true in Adam's lifetime."  

Indeed, the already declining number of good jobs will likely accelerate: Ever more good jobs are being roboticized, offshored, and chopped up into temp projects to avoid paying benefits and to reduce employee lawsuits.

One night, Adam came home excited that his science teacher, of all people, spent the lesson talking about how President Obama's influencing operation goes about creating messages that influence not-liberal voters, for example, couching even radical proposals as what The Founders intended in the constitution. Wanting to nourish a potential career interest, Ben bought Adam the book Influence: The Psychology of Persuasion by Robert Cialdini, one of the 29 eminent members of Obama's dream team of messaging. Good try but Adam never cracked open the book. Perhaps if Adam had been older.

One night, Adam told of his class's field trip to a science museum. He exclaimed, "I want to be a an environmental biologist!" He then unfurled a poster of endangered cute  animals he bought at the museum gift shop. Ben asked, "Did the exhibits explain that today and especially tomorrow, environmental science is mainly math--you know, formulas and spreadsheets analyzing big data on computers?' Adam's face dropped.

Then there was the night Adam said he had asked his teacher, "Isn't is racist that there are so many negative stories about Muslim countries?" The teacher somehow didn't answer the question and so he asked Susan and Ben. They too avoided the question and turned their focus to trying to help Adam identify a career direction. Susan asked, "Think you might like a career studying the Middle East for the State Department? Working for the CIA? Being a professor of Middle Eastern Studies at a university?  Adam said, "Can I take Casanova for a walk?"

Maybe middle school is too early to expect a child to think much about career. But high school wasn't.

The next episode is HERE.

Days of Our Work Lives: An unvarnished look at work today. Part III: Adam's Saga. Episode 2: Turning Adam into a Monster?

Days of Our Work Lives

Part III: Adam's Saga  

Episode 2

Turning Adam into a Monster?

In the previous episode, Adam tried ADHD medication and it really worked: He became more focused in school and less annoying to his classmates.

His typical response to the dinnertime question, "What did you do in school today?" also was quite normal. Most nights, he gave the stereotypical response: "Nothing." 

Susan and Ben knew not to settle for that, so they always followed with, "Come on. What did you do when you first got to school?" Marching Adam through his day often got to something interesting but this day it triggered something unprecedented: a bad argument between Susan and Ben.

Adam began it innocently enough. "Tomorrow it's my turn for show-and tell!  I'm so excited!"

Susan asked, "So what are you going to show?"

"I don't know. I'm just excited!"

Childhood often contains clues to what a person should do careerwise. For example, people fall on a continuum between terrified of public speaking and/or loving to show off. Adam's loving to show off could mean a career not just in performing but anywhere with an audience, for example, salespeople, trainers, and executives often talk before groups. Think back to your childhood. Does it offer clues as to what you should do?

Ben asked Adam, "How about we go out into the forest now and find some really gross thing to bring for show-and tell?"

"Yay!  I love it!"

Susan didn't love it.  "It's dark outside."

Adam said, "So what?!

Susan: "It's dangerous. There could be a bobcat or even a mountain lion."

Ben was incredulous: "You gotta be kidding?! The odds of us having fun is 100%. The odds of a mountain lion eating us is 0.0000000001%."

Susan said, "That's not the only reason."

"I figured."

"Ben, I think that when boys get into spiders, snakes, monsters, it makes them aggressive."

"You gotta be kidding."

"Ben, have you ever seen boys chase girls with spiders, snakes. It's aggressive, it's sadistic. Actually, it's sexist!"

"That's right, Susan, when someone disagrees with you, just play the sexist card." 

'It is sexist, Ben."

"Susan, that's just what teachers do: 90% of elementary school teachers are women and they adapt the curriculum to make it friendly to girls and nightmarish for boys. All the stories are about relationships; boys like adventure, heroism. Teachers make active boys sit for hours doing worksheets; girls love that. Active boys can't do that. There's lots of art when boys would rather play sports. There's endless insistence on cooperation when most boys would rather compete. There are countless stories of amazing women, usually putting a man in his place---Every see a TV show, a movie, a commercial where a man shows up a woman? And you don't see that in the school curriculum either. There's fastidious attention to women heroes from Sacajawea to Harriet Tubman to Sally Ride to Hillary Clinton and to men from Hannibal to Hitler, Joe McCarthy to Slobodan Milosevic."

Adam said, "Who?"

Susan said, "See?!"

"Susan, boys are constantly made to feel like the inferior sex. No wonder boys are falling further behind in school, not graduating from college, having a higher unemployment rate than women. You know the stereotype: Boy doesn't go to college or drops out and is back on his parents' sofa, playing video games or stoned or both. Today's schools are made for girls."

"So Ben, schools should pander to males' most base instinct?! That's why we have all the wars. Women aren't doing that."

"Without warriors, Hitler would have taken over the world.  And man's aggressiveness and bravery is responsible for countless accomplishments from firemen, yes mainly firemen, putting out fires to aggressively and bravely fighting convention to invent everything from electricity to the best treatment yet for breast cancer. Besides, you can't possibly believe that Adam going into the woods with me to find spiders and worms will make any kid, let alone sweet Adam, into a monster. How much do you want to quell Adam's natural maleness, huh? Huh, Susan?! Want to quell mine too?!"

Ben took Adam's arm. "Let's go. Let's go see if we can find a tarantula!" 

"Yeah!"    

"Susan, don't take guy-fun away from us. And don't try to turn Adam into a girl!"

As the door slammed, Susan stared into the fire.

The next episode is HERE.