Here's how I responded today to one of those queries:
The path of least resistance: Let her be her designer-label self--get into the most prestigious college she can but you be very savvy about filling out the financial aid forms. Use this great book. She'll probably get as good a deal from the Ivy as from MegaState U--the prestigious privates have beaucoup bucks. Negotiate hard with those villains.
I haven't found many kids who say "I've worked so hard to get into a prestigious college" be open to often smarter options such as deferring college for a year or 40, doing interesting things in the real world. Then, if needed, she can return to college. Girls are especially likely to be enamored of the straight-to-college plan, which is erroneously perceived to be the low-risk approach. Most high-achieving girls also love the structure of school. Alas, too often, those choices are not in the kid's best developmental interest let alone long-term career interest.
Parents too are subject to the "I'll do anything for my wonderful kid" mindset-- "How could I deny her Ivy when she's worked so hard?" It's fallacious thinking but pervasive and nearly impossible to dissuade from.
Where I can, without too much resistance, add value is helping her choose a career, teach her how to maximize her chances of achieving career success, and importantly, teach her how to make the most of college. Colleges don't want to tell you how, because if more students used these techniques (e.g., get course credit for customized one-on-one courses) it would cut into universities' profit.