Getting a Good Deal: Job, relationships, purchases, physica and mental health, and overall life.

We all like to get a good deal, but how many not be so obvious. My PsychologyToday.com article today offers some thoughts on how to get an edge in life’s major categories: work, relationships, purchases, physical health, mental health, and overall  in life.

Finding Comfort: Part II

Previously, I offered eight sources of comfort in stressful times. In my PsychologyToday.com article today, I add nine more all which are time-tested by an n of at least one.

Giving Up: You probably won't save your best for last

The media sings of old people doing amazing things. For example, it tells anecdotes sent to them by encore.org about people who, late in life, have spearheaded some help-the-poor initiative.

But the vast majority of older people reading such stories are unlikely to be inspired to do the same. They’re more likely to feel inferior, guilty for having realistically assessed that late-in-life success is too unlikely to justify expending their waning physical and mental capabilities in hopes of a last hurrah, to not go gentle into the good night, to save the best for last.

I defend that decision in my PsychologyToday.com article today. 

Education in 2040?

Education has long been held up as a bulwark of hope for an improved society, for example, reducing the achievement gap. Alas, that promise remains largely unfulfilled, with the achievement gap as wide as ever despite a $22 trillion spend to close it. And as ever more jobs require high-performance information-economy skills, the need for dramatically improved education grows.

So it’s no surprise that, for decades now, there have been calls for education’s reinvention. But powerful organizations with vested interest in the status quo have heretofore stalled major change.

Unfettered by such restraints, in my PsychologyToday.com article today, I posit what could be a dramatically more effective educational system, which by 2040, could even become realistic.

The Workplace of 2040? One possibility

In a recent article, I offered a possible scenario of what the average person’s life will be like in 2040, an era of diminished employment opportunities. 

In my PsychologyToday.com article today, I project what life in the corporation or large nonprofit might look like.

: A Blockation: A more rewarding kind of staycation?

To experience something new, many people feel the need to spend big bucks and endure travel’s hassles.

Of course, for some, there’s no substitute for standing in Notre Dame or at the Acropolis or chatting with exotic locals.

But it may be surprising how much that's new you can experience without leaving your block. I call it a blockation. 

 I describe it in my PsychologyToday.com article today.

The Psychotherapist of 2040?

Yes, psychotherapists, indeed all sorts of counselors, will likely still be in demand in 2040. That's because any job requiring subjective judgment is tough to automate. Plus, people will always want to talk with someone about their problems. But the work of a psychotherapist in 2040 will likely change dramatically. My PsychologyToday.com article today offers one possibility:

What Will The Average Person's Life Look Like in 2040?

Automation and other factors will likely lead to more unemployment. What's a realistic, non-dystopian outcome? I share one in my PsychologyToday.com article today.

Rose Breeding: An under-appreciated under-the-radar hobby

Weed It and Weep: The new stronger crop of evidence on marijuana's dangers

I like fun as much as the next person. So I wish I could have titled this article,  “Weed, Whee!”  Alas, the data supports the title I gave my PsychologyToday.com article today: Weed It and Weep.

The Joy of Cranking: The case for staying busy, not slowing down

Today, we’re often urged to slow down, to breathe, to honor the "life" part of work-life balance.

Yet I’ve found that many of my most fulfilled, contented clients and friends tend to crank.—They fill nearly every moment with productivity. 

In my PsychologyToday.com article today, I make the case that this is an approach to life that's more worthy than work-life-balance activists would have us believe.
 

Breaking the Rules: Why counselors should sometimes violate standard principles

Usually, I’m a good boy: I listen, ask facilitating questions and when offering a suggestion, couch it in tentative, client-empowering terms such as,  “I’m wondering whether X might be a good idea. What do you think?”

But every once in a while, I forgo standard counseling principles and it almost always ends up for the better. I explain in my PsychologyToday.com article today.

Working with Your Romantic Partner: 5 keys to making it work.

By choice or not, many spouses work together. Alas, only sometimes does it work.

My wife Barbara Nemko and I have worked together on many projects, notably 30 years as frequent guest on my radio program but also as co-evaluators of projects at UC Berkeley, joint presenters at the Napa County Office of Education, and our two-person stage play, Odd Man Out.

And we’ve not had one fight. Sure, we have disagreements but 95% of the time, they’re resolved with a quick rational exchange and the other 5% of the time, we argue briefly and one of us gives in or we compromise and we move on.No grudges. In the larger picture, we’ve been together for 46 years, married for 43.

In my PsychologyToday.com article today, I offer tips that have helped us and I hope might help you:

Come see my wife and I in our two-person show: Odd Man Out?

Tomorrow, as a fundraiser for anti-gun violence, my wife and I do our show,     ODD MAN OUT
As they say, good tickets are going fast.

Ever feel like you didn’t quite fit in? KGO, KALW and S.F. Chronicle career expert Marty Nemko definitely hasn’t. He tells all with story, piano-playing, and jack-in-the-box interruptions by his wife, Barbara Nemko.
                    

“In Odd Man Out, Nemko hit it out of the park.”

                                  Napa Valley Register

WHEN: One show only: Weds, June 19, 7:00 PM.
WHERE: Lucky Penny Community Arts Center, 1758 Industrial Way, Napa.
TICKETS: $30. All proceeds go to support U.S. House Representative, Mike Thompson’s anti-gun violence initiative.  For best seats, go online: https://bit.ly/2MK9EIM. 
Or buy at the door. Doors open 6:00 PM.

"Privilege:" A most unfair term and one that ironically hurts those it's supposed to help

“Privilege” is among the most insidious focus-group-approved incendiaries.

And among the most unfair.  And ironically, it disempowers the very people the Privilege Promulgators claim to want to help.

I make the case in my PsychologyToday.com article today.

Quelling Children's Fear of Dogs: A dog owner's not-random act of kindness

As I walk my sweet doggie Einstein, I’ve observed that young children who seem scared of him are often reflecting their parents’ fear—The parent may squeeze the child’s hand as we pass or even pull the child slightly away. I’m guessing the parent’s fear thus gets transmitted to the child and so spawns what could be a lifetime fear of or at least dislike of dogs.
That’s unfortunate if only because any unnecessary fear unduly stresses a person, and in our ever more stressful times, owning a dog can be one of life’s most soothing experiences.

So, as I’m walking Einstein, when I approach a parent with a young child, I look for cues that the parent and child might be open to my desensitization routine. I describe that in my PsychologyToday.com article today.

The Emotional Gas Tank: How job seekers can avoid running out of gas

Every job seeker starts their search with a full tank of emotional gas. With each rejection or getting ignored, some gas is burned. 

My PsychologyToday.com article today should boost your chances of landing a job before you run out of gas.

Craftily Laying Low: A success strategy for introverts....and everyone

Conventional wisdom is that success requires assertiveness. But especially for introverts  but also for others, craftily laying low can be wise. In my PsychologyToday.com article today, I explain why and offer examples of how to craftily lay low.

You U: A solid alternative to State U, let alone Private U

Of course, some careers require a degree, notably in the health fields, but many careers don’t. Sure, in other fields, employers tend to pick degree holders but that preference can be trumped by the self-driven learning process I describe in my PsychologyToday.com article today. I call it You U.  And once you’re in a career, the case is even stronger for You U over State U, let alone Private U.

 

The Emotional Side of Career Issues: Symptomaticand deeper solutions

With so much free career information available free on the Internet, many people see a career counselor, not just for tactics, but to overcome emotional blocks that keep them from doing what they know they should do.

Whether you’re a career counselor, coach, other mental health professional, or user of career services, my PsychologyToday.com article today offers some thoughts, based on my work with 5,500 clients over the past three decades, on how to address the emotional side of career issues.

Embracing Eclecticism: One-size-fits-all therapy doesn't.

Therapists and counselors tend to emphasize one treatment modality: cognitive-behavioral, family systems, etc. But the research doesn't support a one-size-fits-all approach. 

The field is still in its adolescence. That means the mental health counseling is more an art than a science, and the good practitioner needs skills in a range of modalities and must restrain the temptation to too-often rely on his or her favorite modality, but flex to accommodate that client's needs.

My PsychologyToday.com article today fleshes this out and provides supporting data.

10 Self-Improvement Musts

Some people who want self-improvement prefer deep dives into a particular technique. Others prefer quick-and-dirty. My PsychologyToday.com article today is for the latter.


As I think back on my 5,500 career and personal coaching clients, I believe the ten items I describe are most central to self-improvement.

The Commencement Speech I'd Give at Harvard

Yesterday, I posted the commencement speech I’d give if I were talking to the graduates of a typical college. I called it “A More Honest Commencement Speech.” It replaced the disingenuous  puff-em-up “Dream big! You can accomplish anything!” bs with straight talk.

Today, I offer the commencement speech I’d give at Harvard, equally tough but very different.

The Case for an Unstructured Summer: Don't overschedule your child...or yourself

Many parents structure much of their kids’ summers: camps, courses, family trips. Of course, those yield benefit, but because kids’ school years are so structured, my PsychologyToday.com article today makes the case for a more let-it-happen summer.

A More Honest Commencement Address

Even at a 98.6 college (All you need to graduate is normal body temperature), the commencement speaker typically tells the students to dream big.

That’s always been disingenuous—Many of those graduates were lucky to get and hold a mundane job, for example, marketing coordinator, school teacher, or construction supervisor.

“Dream big” is even more disingenuous today. Solid, well-paying careers are ever rarer thanks to automation, offshoring, and ratcheted-up requirements: technical, interpersonal and general intelligence. Many if not most graduates of Southwestern State University at Mudville will, for lack of ability and/or drive, end up in a cycle of a few-month lackluster gig followed by a few months of desultory looking, followed by another lackluster gig.

What would an honest commencement speaker say to them? My PsychologyToday.com article today offers one shot at it:

Milking Every Heartbeat

Perhaps today’s #1 mantra is “work-life balance.” I think that’s misguided. I believe life is better-led when you spend as many heartbeats as possible, perhaps 60 or 70 hours a week, using your best abilities to make the biggest difference to society or at least to your sphere of influence. That’s what I call, milking your heartbeats.

My PsychologyToday.com article today makes the case for the wisdom of that and practically how to make it happen.

Is Competition as Bad As They're Saying?

Today, competition’s evils get lots of ink and give less credit to competition's benefits. 

My PsychologyToday.com article today attempts to present both sides.