Why Husbands Should NOT Do Half the Housework

I just read an article on MSN in which the author, Leslie Bennetts, urged wives to yell, nag, withhold sex, whatever it takes, to get their husbands to do half the housework.

What she fails to recognize is that the out-of-home work that the average man does is more difficult and more stressful, and takes many more hours than what the average woman does. Study after study show that even when the wife works full-time (and many women don't), the man works more hours and is more likely to have a more stressful and/or dangerous job. Those factors need to be taken into account when deciding how much housework the man should do.

Did You Ever Wish You Found a True Kindred Spirit?

I pretty much have everything one could ask for in life. Yet, I continue to search for something more. My latest thought is to try to find a true kindred spirit, someone who is nearly alike me.

When people tell me about an amazingly close friendship, it's usually between people who are almost alike, who could almost be twins. Perhaps that's what I want.

So, if after reading my blog posts and my profile, you feel you might be a true kindred spirit, feel free to email me at mnemko@comcast.net.

Keys to Success in College or Grad School

A client today asked for advice on how to get off to a great start in grad school. Here's what I told him:

1. Carefully pick your advisor--Read their bios on the college's site and pick one who both rationally and emotionally intrigues you. Chat with him (or her, of course,) perhaps about his research. If it feels right, ask him to be your advisor. If not, thank him for the conversation, and try someone else.

2. Find out who the best teachers are. Ask the dept. administrative assistant--s/he has read all the student evaluations of all the professors. Or try sites containing student reviews of professors:

Students Review

Universitytools.com

Ratemyprofessor.com.

3. Adapt assignments to your career goal. Most professors don't mind your proposing an alternate term paper topic, fieldwork assignment, etc.

4. Be social. For example, throw parties for your fellow students. Invite your favorite professors. Whether or not they come, they'll be flattered.

The Books to Read on Men's Issues

• Save the Males by syndicated columnist, Kathleen Parker.  No mainstream publisher, let alone Random House, would have published this if it were written by a man. She makes clear how the schools, colleges, media, and laws have been devastating, unfairly, to men, who as a gender, are nowhere near as bad as the media has led you to believe.

The next two, by Drs. Paul Nathanson and Katherine Young, professors at McGill, are very scholarly but authoritative.

• Spreading Misandry

• Legalizing Misandry: From Public Shame to Systematic Discrimination Against Men
  

The following two books by Dr. Warren Farrell, who twice served on the board of the National Organization for Women in New York City and now is co-president with me of the National Organization for Men, are more pleasant reading, shorter, and yet solidly researched:

• The Myth of Male Power
  

• Why Men Earn More

• Who Stole Feminism by Christina Hoff Sommers

• The War Against Boys by Christina Hoff Sommers

• The Sexual Paradox by Susan Pinker
• Biology at Work by Kingsley Browne
  

• The Woman Racket by Steve Maxon. A small percentage of the book's assertions are dubious, but en toto, it is a worthwhile read: bold yet sensible in its assertions, usually well documented.

How to Pick Who to Vote For

I believe it was Churchill who said, "Judge a man not by what he says, but by what he does."

There's no better way to choose which politician to vote for. After all, our system virtually forces a candidate who really want to win to parse, massage, mislead, and even outright lie.

If we replace the blather with relevant deeds, the following facts about Obama come into evidence:

The nonpartisan National Journal rates Congress members' voting records on a scale from 0 (most conservative) to 100 (most liberal.) Obama's voting record scored 100. Is this a man likely to be a uniter not a divider? And if you consider yourself a moderate, can you be comfortable with a man whose voting record is maximally liberal?

Obama and his family, including his children, for 20 years attended the church of Rev. Jeremiah Wright. Obama calls him "His spiritual advisor." He donated thousands of dollars to Wright's church. He named him to one of his presidential campaign committees. All these suggest he condones if not embraces the key themes in Wright's sermons. An ABC News review of dozens of Wright's sermons found "repeated denunciations of the U.S.," most memorably saying "God bless America? No. God DAMN America!" Wright also insisted that the U.S. created the AIDS virus to kill Blacks, that the U.S. brought 9/11 on itself, and that anti-Semite Louis Farrakhan is a great man.

Candidly, I do not follow politics closely enough to responsibly and representatively describe the full range of Obama's, Clinton's, McCain's, or Ron Paul's (Yes, he still is running--Here's his Apr. 28 CNN interview) relevant actions. I offer the above two merely because they're the two most glaring examples I've heard of. I don't mean to imply that there might not be equally important facts about the others.)

I invite you to search out the candidates' relevant behaviors, notably their voting records and examples of effective leadership. To those ends, a good place to start is VoteSmart. (When you get there, scroll down.) I'd also just Google the candidates and avoid sites created by the candidates, the parties, or advocacy groups. Instead, read liberal, conservative, and libertarian sites' reporting, not of what the candidates said, but of what they've done.

How to Save the U.S. from Dying

Peg Tyre, long-time investigative journalist for Newsweek, now doing a project with the New York Times and I were kicking around ideas on how to save America. She wondered if it would help if we sent an even higher proportion of our high school graduates to college. Here was my response:

Even the students we already admit to college can't compete with Korea, China, etc-- It's tough for such students to argue that they're worth 300% more money (plus benefits) than Asians. Digging ever deeper into the barrel of high school students is certainly not the answer.

There is no magic answer. This is, as most experts believe, China's century. But I believe that America can slow its descent:

1. The current cry is, "All students can learn to high standards." Who could argue with that?

Me. I'd much rather have all our students graduate from high school with skills in how to start and run a successful business, resolve conflicts wisely, have financial literacy, information literacy (how to use Google optimally, for example), and great parenting skills (so from Day One, their kids can get good parenting) even if they graduate without knowing quadratic equations, the halide series of chemical elements, and the causes of the Peloponnesian Wars.

2. We need less pluribus and more unum. In nearly every nation in the world, ethnocentrism has led to enmity. The term "assimilation" has acquired a bad name in this country. I think that's a grave error. We should be educating people to be world citizens, with our self-concept a function not of our national identity, race, class, gender, or sexual orientation, but the worthiness of our own actions.

3. Recognizing that money and consumerism really are roots of evil, and educating people that the life well-led usually means spending time less in the pursuit of money and more on doing good.

4. Changing how we select our leaders. All elections should be two weeks long and 100% publicly funded. That would encourage far wiser people to run for office (No four-year campaigns of pressing the flesh) and would avoid their being bought by special interests from the Right and the Left.

Besides, who says America needs to be #1? I'd rather concede economic hegemony to China but be the sort of country that would result from implementing the recommendations above.

America's Most Overrated Product: A Bachelor's Degree

My article of that title appears in this week's Chronicle of Higher Education (the publication of record for college presidents, VPs, etc.) I believe it is among the most important of my 600 published articles.

I anticipate a torrent of excoriating letters to the editor from the Chronicle of Higher Education's readership. After all, I'm criticizing them. So, if you are so moved, you might send a positive letter to letters@chronicle.com.