Tuesday, October 27, 2015

A Guilty Pleasure: Being With People from Your Own Background

Yesterday, someone stopped me and asked if I would take a picture of him and his family. It turned out that, like me, he was a New York Jew living in an area with few of them. 

We hit it off immediately. I know we're supposed to celebrate diversity but that experience reminded me of why, still, so many people marry a spouse from a similar background and why it's tempting to hire someone from a similar background. I guess that's why we need the EEOC watchdog. Or do we? 

I describe the experience and my thoughts in my PsychologyToday.com article today.

1 comment:

Call me Shawn said...

Hi Marty,

I was just thinking something along a similar line and then I read your post! My case is somewhat different but my own feelings of ethnic affinity are surely there too.

I lived in San Diego for about 5 years as a child and moved back with a parent (after a divorce) to Minnesota where I've lived ever since. I recently visited San Francisco & San Diego and I really love, love, love the Mediterranean climate, scenery, things to do, and the fact that if I want snow I can access it in a matter of hours and then escape it just as quickly! But overall for me the main draw is the year-round nice weather.

Here in MN I find myself not wanting to go outside and do much for about 5 months out of the year and it really stinks! The upside (for me) is the people and the ethic affinity I feel with so many of them. I am going to guess that in your ideal world, Marty, there would be more people like you living in San Francisco. Almost like it would be your perfect world if magically New York Jews were a majority in your area. My thinking is similar except I would want more people like me there. *People are naturally tribal in nature, especially men who've evolved to be defenders.*

I want my future children to look like me (which means I must reproduce with a woman who shares a similar ethnic background with me) and I know if I move to either San Francisco or San Diego it would be harder to find one to start a relationship with. I also like working with many people who look like me and that would be harder if not impossible. Additionally, I want my kids to live in an area with people like my group and I want them to go to a school with similar people and, most importantly, eventually, I want have grand kids that look like my people. I wish I did not have to deal with the trade-offs and the decision about whether to move to SD, SF, or stay put is an agonizing one.


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