Thursday, March 10, 2011

Male Bashing's All-Time Low: "Boys Are Stupid. Throw Rocks at Them"

One of America's leading independent book publishers, Workman, has published a book called Boys are Stupid. Throw Rocks at Them.

Five of its eight chapters are aimed at children, three, on dating, at teens.

The book has spawned a line of tee shirts, bumper stickers, posters, coffee mugs, key chain, calendars, even a board game, all of which are available on Amazon and at other retailers. There's even a Yelp listing called, "Boys are Stupid. Throw Rocks at Them!!! Throwing More Rocks Every Day."

The author defended the book as being just for fun. Yet if the book made fun of girls, let alone of Blacks, would that book have been published by a major publisher, let alone spawned a panoply of products produced by other companies, let alone not excoriated by the media? A Google search reveals not one negative reviews of the book or outcry against the swag by any major media entity.

Indeed, MSNBC's liberal Dylan Ratigan opened his interview with the author of Boys are Stupid; Throw Rocks at Them and an opponent by asking, "What's the issue? They're having a good time, here." Ratigan closed the interview by telling the author, "Congratulations on the success of your business."

Earlier today, I had posted the entire text but I realize that might violate copyright law so I've deleted all but three chapters and include none of the copious illustrations. You'll nonetheless get a sense of the book.

Chapter 6: Boyfriends are Stupid
If you absolutely have to have a boyfriend, don't panic. Your life isn't completely over.
Why waste money on a cab? There's always public transportation. (Adjacent is a photo of a girl sitting on a boy's head, dangling a piece of pizza ahead of him so he keeps moving forward.)
What not to expect from a boy on a date: 1. hold your door open. 2. pay for dinner. 3. eat with utensils. 4. not farting or belching the entire time. 5. kiss you goodnight--this is a good thing--trust me! 6. call you again.
Phone rules: Do not wait by the phone for him to call. Most likely he doesn't even know how to use a phone.
Be afraid if your boyfriend: a. has more shoes than you, b: has bathroom products more expensive than yours, c: is on a fad diet, d: knows what kind of jeans you're wearing. And be super-duper afraid if you catch him wearing your panties.
Boy decoder: "It's not you it's me. I love you but I'm not in love with you. You deserve better. I need some space. I don't wanna ruin our friendship." They all mean the same thing but I'm too chicken to tell you:" I don't like you any more and I want to date your friend with big boobs."
What kind of girlfriend are you? Take this quiz: Let's say your boyfriend tried to kiss your best friend. Would you: a) blame yourself. b) make him cry. c) kiss his best friend. If you answered "a", close this book and hit yourself in the head with it.
Chapter 7: Break-Up Fun
The best way to break up with a boy is to pretend you don't know him.
Sometimes a boy won't accept that it's over. Be more direct: throw a rock. (Adjacent is a picture of him unconscious, frothing, with three rocks next to him.)
Maybe he says, "Don't leave me or I'll die." That's when a girl must do the meanest, cruelest, most awful things a girl can do. Make him someone else's problem: 1. Find a really dumb blond girl. 2. Introduce her to your boyfriend. 3. Run away.
Chapter 8: Training a Boyfriend
If for some stupid reason, you decide to keep a boyfriend, it's your job to train him.
Etiquette: a fork is to be used for eating food. Hint: Boys, the pointy pronglike utensil on the left side of the plate is a fork. (The left side is that-a-way<--)
A fork is not to be used for: 1. stabbing bugs. 2. sword-fighting with other stupid boys. 3. sticking up nose for booger excavation. 4. scratching butts.
Just a friendly reminder: boys aren't housebroken. Don't let them sit on your couch unless the plastic cover is on!
Boys can't accessorize: "Like that bag was so last year!"
Always check a boy before he leaves the house: 1. Make sure he zips his fly. 2 make sure his socks match. 3. Make sure he has on clean underwear. 4. Make sure his shoes are on the correct feet. 5. Make sure he's wearing pants!
And make sure under no circumstances whatsoever that a boy does laundry.
A boyfriend is not allows to spit, fart in the car, belch in front of your parents, follow you into the bathroom, make you pull his finger, put you in a headlock, put empty containers back in the fridge, dress himself, cut his own hair, give you a nickname, watch more than four hours of football in a day, and last but not least, act like he knows you in public!
Major rule: When you're telling him a problem, a boyfriend is not allowed to interrupt and tell you his opinion before you have even told him what the problem is! New Rule Rule: New rules may be invented on the spot and be retroactive.
And if he breaks the rules, just remember that for every stupid, smelly, cootie-ridden boy, there is a rock.


Anonymous said...

The book is written by a male. And so this suggests that men and boys aren't the victims but rather are choosing how they want to be portrayed. I don't think you can blame society at large for that.

Marty Nemko said...

Why would you be an apologist for the author, no matter what his or her gender? The real issue is, "Why would a major publisher publish such a sexist piece of trash?" Why would the (liberal) mainstream media, always on the ready to lambaste the merest scintilla of sexism toward females and of racism toward Blacks or Hispanics, issue a deafening silence when it is males that are being the target of far more severe sexism?

Justin Wehr said...

Some reactions:

(1) I think humor should be exempted from anything that we might otherwise call "sexist", "racist", etc. because we need a place to explore the absurdity of our perceptions.

(2) Our biases regarding sex, race, age, etc. are hardly affected by the media forcing views down our throats nor even our parents our peers imparting their perceptions on us. Biases can be observed even in infants. To a much larger degree than we are comfortable admitting, our perceptions and intentions are products of the unconscious.

John said...

Girls from cultures more prone to stoning girls should become 'foreign brides' in a place where 'girls (are enouraged to) throw rocks at boys.' Kicking off a marriage with some empathetic mutual understanding couldn't hurt.

Claudette Robb Ross said...

If something of similar ilk were written about women or blacks (I am both) there would be a major explosion. No wait, I take that back because it would not have even been published.

Also, if you think about it, this "humorous" book takes a swipe at parenting. Who has boys so Neandertal, ill-mannered and ill-bred? Not me. My teenage son is highly intelligent, mature, well-groomed and has been brought up to be a gentleman, kind to women as I am to him. I've taught him to give up his seat on the subway, to do his own laundry, to fix some easy meals (okay, so he nukes Hot Pockets, boils water for Ramen noodles, but gaining independence is the M.O. here).

This author implies that all boys grow up (or rather never really grow up) in Animal House, without parenting.

I find no humor in this book. I feel sadness for anyone who does. It's just not funny. If anything, it's an appalling, insulting attempt at humor. And an invitation -- even jokingly -- to throw rocks at someone who, according to this book, is mentally challenged? Now that's stupid.

ST said...

I always go to Amazon to read reviews on books. Interestingly, this book, although not with a huge amount of reviews, has more 1 star reviews than 5 stars (and only one 3 star and nothing else). I encourage anyone to add a 1 star review if this book did not resonate as "funny", and even offensive, just based on principle. Many of the 5 star reviewers tell the 1 star reviewers to "lighten up", but the main point of what if this were a book on girls or a racial group, is enough to justify a bad review (and many 1 star reviewers say that).

Anonymous said...

This is WRONG on so many counts. What organization(s) do you recommend, Marty, as far as rsponding with our voices and our donations? Nancy

Marty Nemko said...

Most recent Anonymous, the media is critical to the influence of any organization, e.g., a men's organization. The media ensures that a men's organization never gets traction. The media ridicules them, or more often, simply ignores them. Meanwhile, they bestow endless outstanding publicity for women's organizations. So, the answer to your question of whom to write to: It probably won't matter who you write to, but men's organizations are probably the useless because they have no power. You might try writing an op-ed for the mainstream media or a letter to the women's organizations in vain hope they'll suddenly stop their own blatantly anti-male and often deceptive behavior, accepted uncritically by the media.

Anonymous said...

I wonder if we'll see less male-bashing with the increasing Islamo-Latinization of the population?

Anonymous said...

In response to Anonymous (7th from top), for men's groups with some traction you might refer to the Shriners. They're a large fraternal organziation with a creedo to help others.

For a local men's group you might look into the South Bay Nation of Men.


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