Saturday, September 6, 2008

Bond Builders

These will likely help you bond with someone:
  • What have you been thinking about lately?
  • That's interesting. Tell me more.
  • Could you help me out? (Most people, if they're not too busy, like to help, and their doing so creates an investment in you, making them feel a bond with you.)
  • Great shoes! (works only with women)


Anonymous said...

How well do these work with people who do not talk as much? I notice that I really don't need to do much prodding with the more talkative sorts, but people like myself that don't talk much need more than one-liners to get them going. It can take a long time for some quieter people to bond with a person.

Grace said...

I find that the people who are not talkative respond to the "Could you help me" question. They are "doers" not "talkers". In helping, they can open up more, because the focus is not on them. Once a bond has been made through action, more talking will happen.

Where did the idea for this post come from? (Or, should I say, what have you been thinking about lately?)

Marty Nemko said...

Candidly, Grace, I am always thinking about what I could post that would benefit my readers.

This one came about when I was at a party where a guy told a woman "Great shoes!" and that was enough to get her talking (about shoes) for 10 minutes nonstop.

He then turned to me and says that whenever he wants to get a woman to open up, he says, "Great shoes."

He then walked me up to another woman, and said to her, "Great shoes!" Again, that triggered the woman holding forth about shoes for 10 minutes.

I didn't want to just post about the "Great Shoes" comment, so I thought of other statements that I've found builds a bond between people.

And that was the genesis of this blog post.

Grace said...

I have found that you can get people talking if you comment on any clothing that reflects their interests - a ball cap or t-shirt that displays their favourite sports team, or a pin or clip that is from their service organization.

Dr. Fred said...

The "What have you been thinking about lately." is powerful. I used it twice yesterday.

Here is one that will really change the direction of a conversation, I've used it for years:

"What do you do for fun?"

- Dr. Fred


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