Unasked-for Advice: Getting it, giving it

 Conventional wisdom is, "Don't give advice unless it's asked for." But in the real world, we get and do give unasked-for advice. My Psychology Today article today offers thoughts on when and how to deal.

An Alternative to Advice-Giving

My client said he was reluctant to let his friends know he's looking for a job.

Rather than give him the ol' pep talk, for example, "Friends are a great source of job leads, and don't worry, these days, lots of good people are looking for work," I said, "Pretend you are your twin brother and your brother said, 'I don't want to let my friends know I'm looking for a job.' How would you respond?"

He ended up giving the same advice I would have given.

Then I asked, "What would you say back to your twin?" He said, "I know, but it's hard. I'll be embarrassed to tell them." I asked, "How would your twin respond?" His "twin" said, "Get a grip and grow up." He laughed at himself.

Advice-giving is so tempting but often fails to get results. Where possible, figure out a way to get the person to come up with the advice himself.

When You're Tempted to Give Advice

Many people hate unsolicited advice. If you're unsure whether to sally forth, you might try asking something like this: 

"Would you like me to try to come up with a suggestion, be a sounding board for you, or would you rather not talk about it?"