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On Control

A Word With Marty: "RETICENCE"

Jacob's Walks: a series of fantasy short-short stories. Episode 1: The Bag.

Amelia: A short-short story

When You Feel Like a Mere Cog

My Psychology Today article today offers some ways that a person might find work meaningful even if s/he is a mere cog.

Real-World Lessons from Graduate School: On fear, assertiveness, and a pie plate

Among the most important lessons I learned in grad school weren’t from my classes or my dissertation. They were between the cracks of all that. I describe them in my Psychology Today article today.

Succeeding While Assertive: 3 tips for navigating that attribute, which can threaten other people

Conventional wisdom urges us to be assertive. But a number of my clients have found assertiveness to be a mixed bag. My Psychology Today article today offers three tips for navigating that attribute, which can threaten other people.

When to Ask and How: At work and in relationships

I’ve often encouraged my clients to ask for what they want, and I've cited this anecdote: An orientation leader at Harvard told the incoming freshmen, “Key to success at Harvard is to ask for what you want, and when they say no, ask someone else.”

That advice is often valid, but your chances of an ask working increase if a little nuance is added: My Psychology Today article today suggests when, in the workplace and in a relationship, the risk/reward ration favors asking, and when it doesn’t. Then I offer a polite and a more assertive approach to making your ask.

“I Can’t Make Myself Assertive Enough at Work Speaking up, saying no, networking

A number of my clients have a hard time being assertive at work. My Psychology Today article today offers composite questions and my responses.

Is Assertiveness Overrated?

Not so long ago, the ideal deportment was seen as restrained, modest, not pushy. But recent decades have seen increased lauding of, indeed training of, assertiveness. We’re even seeing encouragement of rude aggressiveness, exemplified by such slogans as “I’m loud and I’m proud!”

From where I sit, neither of the extremes: “the meek shall inherit the earth” nor “I’m loud and I’m proud” are defensible. The question is, “Where in that broad middle should you aim for?” It probably depends in part on your predisposition: Some people seem hard-wired for assertiveness, others for compliance, eagerness to please. But some of our level of assertiveness would seem under our control.

Most people exhibit their level of assertiveness unconsciously. Per some of my previous articles, for example,Work More? and Give More to The Neediest or to The Higher Potential?, I believe it wise that we make such decisions consciously, after due deliberation. 

To that end, my PsychologyToday.com article today offers a debate between an advocate for moderate assertiveness and an advocate for moderate restraint. Perhaps it will help you get clearer on where you'd like to aim for on that continuum.

The Case for Audacity

More people should try occasionally being more audacious than most people would dare be.

My PsychologyToday.com article today offers examples from my life. As I’ll describe, some have worked well while others have been a disaster. But looking back on my life, my audacity has yielded more benefit than liability. I write this article to encourage you to replace some undue caution with some calculated risk-taking.

A Fresh Start Yet Again

Here's another of my PsychologyToday.com short-short stories embedding a life lesson or two. This one's about a passive person.

Gaining Gumption

When I was a cab driver, a passenger told me he was a professor at the Rockefeller University, which has the world’s highest percentage of science Nobel Prize winners. I jokingly said, “I’m not letting you out this cab until you give me a job.” A week later, I went from lowly cab driver to Rockefeller research assistant, working on the first research to prove that biofeedback worked.

As I look back on my life and think about my successful clients and friends, gumption is an underdiscussed key to success.

My PsychologyToday.com article today is Gaining Gumption.

Five Career Tips I Particularly Like

For my PsychologyToday.com article today, I offer five career tips I particularly like because they're potent but may not be obvious.

Are You Too Passive? Too Aggressive? A 10-Question Self-Assessment

Not that long ago, to stay reasonably employed, you only had to do what you're told. But today, alas, mainly the assertive thrive. Of course, you don’t want to be too aggressive. 

My PsychologyToday.com article today is a self-assessment: 10 questions to help you judge if you're too assertive or not assertive enough. HERE is the link. 

Are You Assertive Enough? A Self-Assessment

Are you assertive enough? That's the topic of my today's USNews.com article.

Managing Your Boss: "Leading Up"

My AOL article today is on how to deal with a minimally responsive boss.

It proposes a Version 2.0 of what Seth Godin calls, leading up.

The World's Shortest Course in Success

I wish I could say that ethics is paramount but if I am to be honest, nothing is more important than intelligence and drive. 

Balance is overrated. Most people of accomplishment work 50, 60, even 80 hours a week. And that imbalance need not be deleterious to their health. A person who works slow and steady on work he or she is good at will be far less stressed than someone who's annoyed by their children's or spouse's shenanigans or who get frustrated with every bad golf shot.

Also key to success: As long as it's ethical, ask for what you want. People who don't ask--for fear of rejection, failure, imposing, etc.--usually doom themselves to far less success than they otherwise could achieve.