The Ear Worm: A mood stabilizer without side effects

An ear worm is a melody that stays stuck in your head. My Psychology Today article today argues that it's usually wise to savor rather than banish it. I explain why and offer 18 beloved loved melodies that are ripe ear worm material.

Address-and-Distract: An underappreciated tool for coping

COVID and the political and racial roiling can make an already stressed modern life cross the line into overwhelm.

For example, even if COVID hasn’t touched you, the fear fanned by the media and your seeing everyone in masks racing away from you if within 10 feet contributes to the discombobulation.

A perhaps under-discussed antidote to stress and overwhelm is something my clients and, okay, I, have found helpful: address and distract. I describe it in my Psychology Today article today.

Stress Management for the Stress-Prone

Stress rolls off my wife's back. Not mine. The tips I offer in my PsychologyToday.com article today, which are derived in part from my new book, Careers for Dummies, have helped me and some of my stress-prone clients. Perhaps one or more will help you.

Driving While Relaxed: Eight techniques for replacing road rage with commute calm.

A key way that government is trying to force us out of our cars and into mass transit is to build no more freeways despite the population increase. So our commutes are ever longer and more stressful. My PsychologyToday.com article offers eight ways to reduce the stress of driving. HERE is the link. 

A Dog: A Not Standard Tool for Reducing Stress...and Increasing It

When the standard stress reducers don't work well, have you ever considered getting a dog?

My doggie, Einstein, is my best stress reducer...and stress increaser. He is the topic of my PsychologyToday.com article today. HERE is the link.

Dealing with Holiday Stress in a Harsh World

When I asked readers what they'd like me to write about, Doug Skinner sent me the following email. (He has given me permission to reprint it.)

What's on my mind, Marty, is handling stress from the holidays. I'd love to find a place of peace and joy in a world that's pretty harsh.

Okay, Doug, here are my thoughts.

It seems you're asking about two separate things: how to handle holiday stress and how to deal with a harsh world. I'll try to address both:

Dealing with holiday stress

We'll feel stressed or sad if the upcoming holiday season is unlikely to live up to the stereotype, for example, a party with the happy extended family laughing and bonding. Here are four ways to address the situation:

• Create Christmas: Gather hand-picked relatives and friends or make new ones by taking out a Craiglist platonic ad or even people you like at work, in an avocation, or even at a bar. Invite them to a Christmas party at your place, the community room at your apartment complex, wherever. Invite a lost soul to spend New Year's Eve with you. 
• Volunteer your butt off. A great way to deflect feeling sorry for yourself is to turn your attention to helping others. 
• Forget the norm and enjoy the holidays in solitude. Music, TV, your favorite foods, a glass of wine, contemplation or writing, can make a Christmas that's more rewarding and less stressful than what many people experience.
• Resolve to make more friends or build family relations so next year's holidays will be better.

Of course, a major source of Christmas stress is gifting. Except for a present I bought on Amazon for my wife and one for my best friend, I've forgone gifting and instead created a musical and storytelling holiday e-card that I sent broadly. If someone likes me less for not buying them a present, I believe it's their failing, not mine. For years, I've been sending only an e-card on which I read or play piano and haven't lost one friend as a result.

The harsh world

True, the world seems to be getting harsher. People don't keep their promises. They don't return phone calls. Job applicants often don't even get the dignity of a rejection letter-- they must wait indefinitely hoping, in vain. Even family members may screw each other, especially for money. As my father said, "Respect but suspect."

But there are many good people plus many more who are good when treated well. Easier said than done but I believe it's worth working hard to be a good person. Also, maximize the amount of time you spend with good people and minimize time with lesser lights. Do those things and your stress will likely diminish and somehow the world won't seem so harsh.

I hope that helps, Doug.

How I Manage Stress

People often ask how I've worked so many hours a week for so many years without burning out. My keys to stress management are:

• I am mainly self-employed so no one controls what I do. And when I want to work for others, I accept only work that would give me autonomy.
• I try, not always successfully, to work without rushing.
• I realize I can survive any failure. For example, let's say my boss at the radio station fired me for saying something he didn't like. I'd try to find a better radio station, at least one that won't fire me because I said one wrong thing. And even if I never worked in radio again, I'd find something else, maybe something even better to do. I can survive anything except end-stage cancer.
• When I get stressed, I use very quick stress reducers: I take deep breaths, pet my dog Einstein, or take him for a walk. Even more potent,
• I use the Stop Technique:
  

  1. Realize that all of us deserve to not be shackled by worry, even if I've made mistakes. We all have.
  2.As soon as a worrisome thought enters my consciousness, I say "Stop!" and quickly replace it with a productive activity.
  3. If I can't distract yourself, I ask myself, "What's the most likely positive outcome?" That eases my anxiety. Then, "What's the worst that's likely to happen? How could I cope with that?" I could, couldn't I?"

You needn't reduce your stress to zero. Indeed, you'd probably then be bored, torpid. But these ideas should at least help keep the lid on.

Einstein, the Magical Doggie: Why a busy person should adopt a pet

A friend said, "Marty, work is so important to you, I didn't figure you'd want to take the time to care for a dog."

Yes, there are occasional times I feel it's not worth it, but mostly I feel that getting my doggie, Einstein, has been among my wisest decisions.

Einstein is a great source of nurturance and a stressbuster. When I'm at my desk, Einstein is often lying at my feet, which feels great, and when I need an extra dose of love, I pet him or roll around the floor with him. After that one-minute break, I'm refreshed and ready to go back to work.

Einstein ensures that I exercise every day--he has to go out. So we take two short walks and one vigorous three-mile hike every day.

My clients--well, most of my clients--love Einstein. He welcomes them with more warmth than the warmest receptionist. And I only need pay Einstein in love and kibble. (By the way, Orijen is probably the best dog food.) When the session starts, unless the client prefers he doesn't, Einstein settles down next to the client on the sofa or floor. He's a great co-counselor.

Yes, having a dog is a responsibility. It's like having a baby who never grows up. But for me, at least, it has been well worth it. Indeed, I consider Einstein my Magical Doggie.

If you're considering adopting a pet, let me make a pitch for getting him or her from a pound, humane society, ASPCA, or rescue organization:

• The mixed-breed you'll probably get is more likely to be healthier than the often too-inbred purebreds. The term "hybrid vigor" is valid.
• You won't be supporting a puppy mill, which too often treat dogs inhumanely.
• The cost is dramatically lower. The average dog bought from a breeder costs $1,000. A pet from one of the aforementioned sources averages 90% less.
• You're possibly saving a life. Someone had thrown Einstein into the overnight bin at a pound. In the morning, the attendant found him shaking and clutching a barbecued rib. Many doggies and kitties must be put to sleep within weeks of entering the shelter. I will take care of my Einstein, hopefully, for many years to come.

HERE is an online PetFinder that lists 300,000 adoptable pets from 13,000 adoption groups across the country.

A Very Short Guide to Reducing Your Stress at Work

In these tough times, which don't promise to ease soon, we're all asked to do more with less. Of course, that increases stress. Here are some antidotes:

Retain perspective: How important is that, really?

You can control only your effort, not the outcome. Do your best and then let it go. How your work is received or what others do with your work is usually beyond your control. If there's nothing you can do about it, simply move on to the next task. If worse comes to worst and, for example, you get fired, it usually means there's something better waiting for you. At least think that way. It'll reduce your stress.

Avoid rushing. What causes stress is not so much working long, it's the fight-or-flight response that comes when you rush. If possible, start early, stay late if necessary, but avoid rushing.

Be nice. If you look for maximum opportunities to be nice to people, you'll feel less stressed and, in turn, people will likely be nicer to you, which will reduce your stress further.

My Favorite Stress Reducers

My clients and I find these helpful:

• Remember that it's just not that important. And even if it is, stressing about it is more likely to hurt than help. Just work slow and steady, doing the best you reasonably can. 
• Remember that all you can control is your effort, not the outcome of that effort. Once you've done your part, let it go. Even if it doesn't work out, unless you have stage 5 cancer, you can survive. (And even if you have stage 5 cancer, soon you'll be at peace, just as though you were sleeping soundly.)
• Listen to soft instrumental music while working. If that's not permitted (even with headphones),  on the way to work, listen, again and again, to the easiest-to-hum relaxing, short piece of music. It will become an "ear worm," rolling around in your brain, meditatively, as you work.
• As soon as you start feeling stressed, get up, stretch, and take three deep breaths.
• Take a five-minute walk, ideally in nature, but down the hall will do.
• Help someone.