My Toupee: A short-short story

If Your World is Getting Smaller, Is That OK? A case study and four questions to help you decide.

It seems that more of my clients are choosing to shrink their world. My Psychology Today article today offers a case study. It then asks questions to help you decide if you want to keep your world small, and offers suggestions in case you want to take baby steps to interacting more.

How to Reduce Social Anxiety

Everyone gets nervous in some social situations, perhaps a first date, an important meeting, or giving a presentation. But when the fear extends to avoiding or being too quiet with other people and it’s lasted for months or longer, it’s often termed social anxiety disorder or social phobia disorder.

But "social anxiety” is like a headache: The cure depends on the cause.  I offer some cause-specific suggestions in my Psychology Today article today.

Fear and Loathing at the Holidays: Preventing, curing

Not exactly looking forward to the holidays? Well, perhaps my Psychology Today aticle today is for you.

Succeeding While Shy: Nuggets for the introvert or socially anxious

The just-published new edition of the classic career guide, What Color is Your Parachute, updated by Katharine Brooks, includes a fine section on succeeding while shy. And she speaks from personal experience: “I myself have been painfully shy for much of my life, but no one ever guesses.”

My PsychologyToday.com article today offers nuggets from that section plus my additions.

Tough Problems: Catastrophizing coronavirus, social anxiety

This is the latest in the Tough Problems series.  In each installment, I present two composite questions that my clients face and my response to each.

Today's first question is from someone who is catastrophizing the coronavirus. The second is from a person with social anxiety.

19 and Reclusive

As today's PsychologyToday.com contribution today, I offer an interview with a 19-year old who is reclusive.

When You Don't Want to Go to That Party But Should

You've probably gotten an invitation or five to holiday parties. Let's say there's at least one you'd rather not go to. 

My PsychologyToday.com article today offers tips for making the most of a party you'd rather not attend but should.

Tips for Worriers: Ways to reduce anxiety about death, dying, public speaking, social anxiety and free-floating anxiety

My PsychologyToday.com article today is Tips for Worriers. 

It's not aimed at people with severe anxiety. It just offers tips for the garden-variety handwringer who worries about death, dying, public speaking, social anxiety or free-floating anxiety

A Very Short Course on Managing Anxiety

In our stressful world, nearly everyone is anxious at times. These techniques should help:

DEVELOPING A RESERVE AGAINST ANXIETY

1. Getting good sleep gives you a reserve, a gas tank of anxiety antidote, to cope with anxiety. These can help:

• Have a comfy pre-sleep ritual. For example, I exercise 2 to 3 hours before bedtime. Right after exercising, I'm energized, but 2 or 3 hours later, the fatigue caused by the exercise sets in.
• Recognize that if you're getting up in the middle of the night, you have the skills to get back to sleep: just take moderate relaxed breaths, thinking, "In with the good air, out with the bad air." until you're back to sleep. Moderate breaths are better than deep ones because the extra oxygen in deep breaths makes you more awake.
• If the above doesn't get you back to sleep, perhaps you've had enough sleep for that night. The next night you'll be more tired, or if you tire during the day, maybe you can take a nap then, even if you have to leave work and hop into your car for a 20-30-minute "power nap."
• For more on getting good sleep, click HERE.

2. Do you excessively use caffeine? Intoxicants? Do you overeat? Avoid those and you protect your reserve, your anti-anxiety "gas tank."

3. So you're prepared with how to respond when you feel anxious, now, when you're calm, list the positive thoughts you want to replace the worrisome ones. On the spot, you may be too anxious to think of them.

WHEN YOU FEEL ANXIOUS
1. As soon as you start to feel anxious, well before it reaches the panic attack level, take three long, deep breaths from the belly (diaphragmatic breathing.) Think of it like filling your belly first with air and then as that's full, you fill your chest.

2. Then turn your attention away from yourself and outward to the external world. For example, study the pretty picture in the room, think about what's good in your life, listen to someone else's problem, take a walk and look for the beauty all around you.

3.  Say an affirmation, for example, "Worrying won't help at all, and I have the skills to calm down."Even if the anxiety worsens into a full-scale panic attack, remind yourself that you have the skills to calm yourself down. Make a list of what you want to do if anxiety or even a full-scale panic attack hits: for example:
      a. Take 3 diaphragmatic breaths.
      b. Transfer your attention outward.

That is your "fire extinguisher" for anxiety.

Overcoming Shyness: An inspiring story (with music)

Here's the one-woman show I wrote with Jeffrie Givens. She's the performer and I accompanied her on the piano.

It's called Big, Black, and Shy. It's the improbable story of how she went from being extraordinarily shy to, well, I don't want to give away the ending.

We performed it for the first time yesterday at my home to a packed house of 22 people. I was pleased with how it went.

Here is the video: